Today’s tool is some RJ hotshot captain-wannabe in Charlotte who used the middle urinal despite a full row of empty ones. He’s standing real close to the porcelain so despite a really big watch he probably has real small equipment. Probably a -145 driver. I have to squeeze past this guy to use the urinal near the wall, so I had to put my fine alligator-skin Coach bag on the far wall. The tool finishes emptying his 2 ounce bladder and backs up without looking and belly flops, almost cracking his skull on the tile, flailing around like a turtle on his back.

He's all like "are you kidding me? I know Kung Fu! You're just passenger but I fly the plane!" He then flips me the bird. Everybody is laughing at captain Klutz who bolts out without even washing his hands.

Maybe he works for United.