Good ones!
"What's all this fuss I hear about endangered feces? That's outrageous. Why is feces endangered? How can you possibly run out of such a thing? Just look around you - you can see it all over the place. And besides, who wants to save that anyway?"
"What's all this fuss I hear about making Puerto Rico a steak? Let me warn all of you: if you make Puerto Rick a steak, the next thing they'll want is a baked potato-with sour cream and chives and little bacon bits. And then they'll probably want a salad bar! Why, they'll be lined up for miles!"