Not sure what "hate on it" means. I'll guess it's modern slang English for, "to despise". If my guess is correct, yes, I
really really dislike it. It's the worst Boeing I have ever flown. Better than the Metroliner, better than the Shorts to be sure, but it's the worst Boeing going. It's my least favorite of the fleet and I probably have over 4000 hours in it. I don't keep a log anymore, but at 900 hours per year, that's probably a good guess. And that's enough time and bad memories accumulated to "hate on it".
Now to be fair, I have not flown the newer guppy so it may not be as awful as the 300's and 500's which I have flown. Those chariots were hot all summer, cold much of the winter, and loud and uncomfortable the whole year round. It was really just a short 707 with more modern engines and avionics. Look at the front panel, it's sorta modern with early EFIS and TCAS. Look up and it's 1958. Do you still have to flip all those capped HYD switches and memorize that question mark thing? The Standby Power test and the electrical power sources for EVERYTHING? Ugh. I'd rather be beaned with the "Battery Hammer".
There was no place to put your coat in the winter and no place for your flight bag either. Unless of course, your bag was too small to hold the four fat Jepp binders required and a dog-eared copy of...something. More on that later. Rollerblades were out of the question. I really miss that little clipboard gizmo by the sharply angled side window. You could only write on it with a two-inch pencil or by holding your pen in your two outboard most fingers. I suck at that. I flew with one guy who wrote all over the side window with a grease pencil. That struck me as quite odd because he also wore a big honking knee-board. You could put an oceanic plotting chart on that thing, yet he wrote on the window. And, no beers for you on the layovers, not even for HALF-WINGERS. That was an extreme rarity back then. An extreme and an egregious breach of the brotherhood and one which I've not recovered from since. I still carry the scars. Fortunately, I used to fly with a bunch of standard bearers whom I will never be able to repay. Great old Captains!
The packs were iffy, the pressurization was lame and those planes chewed up APU's more often than any other plane I have ever flown. I was a "huffer start No. 2 at the gate, push back and cross bleed No 1" mofo when I flew it. I had those pages laminated and memorized. Those and PACKS OFF TAKEOFF. Man, I could flip some switches though! CLACK CLACK, I do sorta miss those GEN and BUS TIE solenoids. Really made you feel like you were doing manly stuff while reaching up there. And those great orals. What was it, square valve lights were in degrees C and round valve lights degrees F? Or was it the other way around. It didn't really matter because not enough air would flow through them to achieve or maintain whatever ambient condition the pilot requested anyway.
Stand-By Altimeter vibrator. Nuff said.
FL370! Man, that was great in the summer. But that's IF you could get up there. Whizzing along just below the tops in the bumps. I loved that. Really.
I hated that silly pressurization check we had to do, along with all the other mindless "first flight" checks that involved wearing numerous switches out. Fire Test Fire Test Fire Test. 17 lights! And since it was nearly impossible to go to Denver or Chicago or Dulles without swapping, I became really tired of wearing those switches out. I probably flew 15 percent of my flights with one fire loop out. That Bromotriflouromethane must have been some mighty corrosive stuff.
Speaking of nasty stuff, the weird mix of grunge that lived in the little box that holds all the fire switches is nasty too. Lunch bits, furry little clumps of Legionnaires disease mixed with herpes simplex ten, right there by your knee. "Select Loop selector to loop A........"
Oh, and that great Cargo-Fire suppression system. That thing was worth 2 or 3 idiotic questions per oral.
We sold ours to a Russian carrier and trained a mess of their drivers at TK. I'd bet an Andy Jackson that pieces of my scalp and skull are still embedded in those overhead switches, somewhere over Donald Trumps Ukrainian properties. Those switches used to assault me as I climbed in and out of my seat. Pretty sure that I still have one of those little white snubbers in my head. And I really loved the circuit breakers that prevented me from studying effectively while at cruise or moving my seat back far enough for someone my height.
The space for my flight pubs bag was a joke. You had to be a gymnast or contortionist to get the bag into that space, and then on the way out it would trash both your bag and your rotator cuff. Everyone wrecked their bag, some their bodies. Yeah, I admit it. I really hated that. Was there even a place for a suitcase in that thing? For the FO I mean?
One thing I really don't miss is all those sharp edges under and around the seat that used to slice the hell out of my new Manolo Blahniks. My shoes looked like a bored serval aggressively had his way with them after just one month's flying. I switched to Rockports and those seats tore them up with gusto as well. No other plane has ever eaten my shoes, before or since. The bus used to shine em!
One thing there was a ton of room for was a jump-seater. I don't think I even need to elaborate on that, do I? When you had one, the place was just abysmal and the trash bag was off limits because his junk was hanging in it. Ditto for the PA. Not reaching back there.
I loved eating in it. I'd tilt my tray ever so slightly so the poor slob flying could actually use aft pitch if we needed it. So, a lot of food ended up on the floor, in the Fire Switches Box or against my gut depending on which way I tilted that day. The hot food was seldom hot, and the cold food was never cold. Yeah, that was great. The map clip on the yoke was useful when doing revisions though. I'll allow that. I bet I changed out the NDB approach to Sandspit B.C. over 50 times when on that fleet. The best part is that I never got west of Denver and never near Seattle. But Sandspit, British Columbia... man I was all over that chart. It's probably a gravel runway to boot. They kept the west coast and east coast flying somewhat separate then. I do miss M's in OMA and a few other spots. The Dinosaur in ROC for example.
I almost forgot how much I hated pre-flighting that thing. That whining hyd pump in the gear well sucked. Reading those stupid microscopic tire pressure gauges SUCKED. Having filth on my shirts sucked. Sitting in the cockpit seat which was pre-soaked with F/O B/O and sweat on leg one of day one really really SUCKED! Well, at least it was a comfy seat. Naaaaaaaaah, I lied about that. It sucked AND it reeked. It's a good thing they paid for dry-cleaning because a four day meant four shirts and two slacks. And I supposed it's a good thing I actually really do like flying. It was a nice hand-flying plane, but I think they all are. So, its ugly traits really tend to shine. I haven't flown a crummy flying plane since The Pig.
Besides smelling like retch, the seat is just uncomfortable. I have a bad back. I'm not a small person. IAD-ORD was bad enough. IAD-SEA just gives me hives when I think about flying one for 5 1/2 hours. Of course, longer legs means I'd probably swap less and wear fewer switches out, and I might not trash my bag, back, ears, shoulder, shirts, shoes, and scalp so much.
And now that its nearly 700 feet long and has insane approach speeds to make up for its horrid gear geometry? I think I'll pass. I like planes that I can flare.
