hahaha, thats great!
I wouldn't touch the configuration of the airplane, and I would do a 180 and get the hell out of there, ASAP. Remember, you are the CA you do whatever you need to do do get you and the peeps on the ground safely. I love when I see these CA's going back and forth over the FREE TEXT on the ACARS, come up with your Divert Fuel, and go there, tell the dispatchers thats where you are going, end of discussion...........