True hat story:

An assistant chief pilot (once upon a time), saw a pilot talking on his phone in the boarding area for his flight. The crew was awaiting an aircraft.

The ACP asked: "where is your hat?" Captain replied: "it's in my bag."

ACP replied: "why is it not on your head?" Captain replied: "My head doesn't fit in my bag."

ACP replied: "you are relieved of flying duties for the day. Go home." Pilot did so.

ACP informed crew scheduling. Crew scheduling cancelled flight as no Captain was available. ACP was relieved of his ACP duties.