I don't see the wisdom in coming to pilots for relationship/financial advice. I would give her two possibilities stay here and live below your means on a budget with all that entails or move and have more disposable income. No new car every 5 years, less vacations, no cleaning service... vs move and those things are possible. If you have a budget with shared financial goals ironed out ahead of time it would solve a lot of these problems. I would recommend some relationship counseling to get the spending issue at least to an amicable middle ground. $400,000 compounded out is a lot of money but there is also a lot more important things to worry about. The difference in your standard of living at 65 with 3,000,000 +/- 400,000 isn't worth being miserable in all the years leading up to it. There has to be some middle ground.