You need to be hungry and driven to fly jets in the military (I will only speak to flying fighters/military side). This may get you through the intense pressure at pilot training. If you are not sure, then you may already lack the drive. That being said, I will toss in my 2 cents.
What are the other duties and jobs you have to do as an officer?
Initially, you learn to do your job which is employ your weapons system. In fighters, it takes almost 2 years to get to a combat unit. Then for the next couple of years your job is learning how to employ your fighter, knowing all the weapon systems, etc. You will have additional duties but the flying usually keeps you ‘drunk’ enough to minimize the pain.
How long will you actually be FLYING as you move up through the ranks?
This depends. I just summarized about the first 5 years in the AF (very exec summary like). Guessing flying hours…about 700 to 900 in 3 years at a combat unit. This will definitely vary.
Can you get stuck on non-flying assignments very easily?
In the 10 years you will owe for completing flying training, you should expect it. This will also depend. I avoided a non flying job until my 14th year.
What’s the toll on the family life?
My family was able to grow up in many countries and multiple places. Asking them, they wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Do you ever lose sleep over any kind of "lethal weapons, life risking" type issues?
You learn to employ your weapons system as a professional. Loosing sleep will depend on the person I guess.
Exactly HOW cool is that F-16, F-22, C-130?
“Top Gun” drunk cool… 8 fighters working together sweeping through airspace ‘killing’ 20 bad guys…480 kts at 200ft for 45 mins ending at a bombing range…
After separation, how much time/skills would you say is lost/gained from being in the military when transitioning to civ (Civillian being based on seniority can be kinda jacked up)? How does salary compare (per diem, on base housing/food, base salary, after taxes, flight pay)?
I had too much fun to care too much about the money. Civilian pilots with as much time as me probably make or made much more money…but many still walk up and say they wish they could have flown in the military but their eyes were not good enough.
Do you regret it at all?
Absolutely not!
USAF Academy note:
This education is worth a ton of money alone but again you need to be driven to make it through.
It appears you certainly have thought about this a lot. Hope this helps.
Good luck