Originally Posted by
DeltaboundRedux
I've heard much the same.
Also this: Magnanimous gestures and mercy are for after the battle (such as it is) is won, not before.
If the big "d" visits you, statistically speaking it's been filed for by your wife. Harden your heart. She already has.
Used to think women were the romantics, men were the steely-eyed pragmatists. This is exactly backwards.
I would add, as Bucking said above, that if you can come to a mediated agreement, that’s obviously the preferred solution, but you have to close that out fairly rapidly.
The problem is that while your soon-to-be-ex spouse may be a rational person taken by themselves, as soon as the family/friends element kicks in, your hope is probably lost. The pinging, which goes on 24/7 of what they “should do”, is relentless. Of course, none of the people making those suggestions are on the hook for any of the consequences.
I’ve seen people on track to a mediated resolution have it all fall apart once the family/friend element got involved, and it turned into a multi-year train wreck where everyone came off worse.
Play to win. Once the fun starts, I’ve never seen any generosity repaid in kind. If you want to be magnanimous, there’s time for that after the decree is final.