I was out for six hours in the freezing cold in a sinking boat with no oars and caught the last one in the lake with nothing but three pound test and no hook. I was out of bait and had to spit on the line. I pried out one of my molar fillings for the sinker and when it bit, I gave a mighty pull and it sailed right off the bottom and into my boat where I caught it with my bare, frozen hands, and it was THIS big.

Swear on my mother in law's grave. She's not dead, but it can be arranged.

Story not valid in all 50 states, void where indicated by law. Size of fish in your imagination may vary, result not guaranteed. If you develop a rash or hypertension while imagining this fish, call your doctor right away. Improper use of a sinking boat, fishing gear, or prolonged exposure to excessive cold and wet may lead to hypothermia or death, and fish present a choking hazard. Not for use by those under the age of three in a home environment involving a disco ball, the color yellow, or the letter R. See your fish and game warden for details.

What, lies?