Let's see...Here's a coupla tips when you get to the hotel:

1. Toss bedspread in the corner somewhere; you don't want to know what's on it. Guess how often they're cleaned.

2. Inspect sheets and mattress for evidence of bedbugs or other six-legged vermin.

3. Also look for pubies; some places cheap out on laundry!

4. If it applies, wake up a few minutes early to throw your FA out. Inspect your pubies for evidence of six-legged vermin.

5. And on the van at oh-dark-thirty, that you were on time for, please understand that no one is in the mood for loud, banal conversation or inane cell phone chatter. Who the eff needs to bleat on the cell phone at oh-dark-thirty anyway?