“We at United Airlines have made the regrettable decision to temporarily suspend advertising on Twitter. We have made this decision not because it is a good PR move or because it gets us free press, but because we are terrified that the nebulous “woke mob” will irreparably harm us by deeming us “not woke enough” if we don’t.

Elon Musk is probably right about Paul Pelosi & clearly understands the complexities of managing free speech better than anyone; & there is presently a caravan of drag queens carrying mail-in ballots toward our southern border, but we’re terrified to admit it publicly. Yes, we are currently dominating the air transport business, but we know this fact only masks the reality that most Americans are furious at our feckless obeisance to the demands of the woke few. Still, we understand that said Americans must continue to patronize our company, or they, too will become targets of this powerful cabal of social justice warriors.

We know you’ll understand this decision because like most normal Americans, you’re frequently getting cancelled for doing and saying perfectly normal & acceptable things; which is totally a thing that is definitely happening all the time.”