Satire aside, here are some things to keep in mind.



The airplane has a flight envelope. So does your FO, as do you. All of those envelopes have got to fit in yours. Please be conservative and run a little scared.



Subjective opinion, but a flat authority gradient is usually the way to go. We all know who signed for the jet. That Captain Kirk switch is always available to you, but until that moment arrives, keep things low-key and always, always, always involve your FO.



Always lead by setting a good example. This goes far beyond (what should be) the obvious stuff like showing up with a nice uniform. Things like being early for the van. Being unfailingly polite and respectful. Doing that everyday will make it easier to summon it when you’re struggling. Tempted to skip something? Don’t. It will be noticed. Never fail to debrief an error you make. You’ll have no credibility if you pretend they didn’t notice. They did. As the mahatma said, be the change you want to see in the world.



Tired? Don’t extend and consider calling in fatigued. Got a slight case of the sniffles that are probably allergies and could go either way? Call in sick. If it’s not something you’d show up for a first class physical with symptoms of, then don’t bring it to work either. That reserve pilot wants to fly. Let them!



You are never in a hurry. Nor are you required to raise your voice. When you’re going to overrule a fellow employee’s plan, be respectful and explain why. And it ain’t because you’re in command, it’s because you’ve got the better plan, right? (Is your plan better? Hmmm…)


Most importantly?



No b*tching.



Never. You work for the best airline on the planet and get paid gobs of money for the privilege. If you feel compelled to come to work and complain about ****, there is something seriously wrong with you that needs to get addressed and repaired. Yoga, booze, divorce, all of the above, whatever. But nobody wants to hear the overpaid, prima donna pilot complain about stuff. Especially your flying partner.



Don’t be a whiney-azzzz punk. Be a Captain.



Lead like Fred Rogers and fly like Deke Slayton. (If you don’t know who I’m talking about, get the heck off my grass, you millennial punk!)



Almost forgot. Take the occasional walk around. Especially when it’s crappy out there. Paid your dues? Bwahahaha. B*tch, please. Grab your vest.