Meanwhile, the VA goes DENY-DENY-DENY on things that are actually wrong with me (Sleep apnea from having my face reconstructed, a host of orthopedic stuff) but every time I go there for appeals or exams, they tell me "if you just claim TBI or PTSD that would put you over 100%" when I have claimed everything but.

They did the same thing with my dad. Was fighting them for years for issues from a helicopter crash (back/neck/burns, it's a family tradition it seems) and later on agent orange exposure. Never claimed PTSD. When he could not longer work or hold a medical he said F it I have PTSD and boom 100% in 5 months. After 30+ years of "nothing wrong with you except age" from the VA.