Originally Posted by jaxsurf

On second thought, since pax can’t see us when the door is closed, I’m going to work in the double breasted douche canoe captain coat into my PAs.

“Variably gendered or non-gendered carbon-based (if you identify as such) life forms, from the flight deck, this is FO Deltoid, wearing the stunning and iconic double breasted uniform jacket, and an unfurrowed brow, we’re 25 minutes from landing in Birmingham, flight attendants please prepare the cabin for landing.

“Also, I have 100 traps and will take care of you, if you follow the rules. If you don’t, I will come back there and slowly and awkwardly take off my iconic double breasted uniform jacket and flaccidly flex my non-existent biceps while my dunflop juts out at you. Okay, enjoy what’s left of your show. Signing off.

Also, my callsign is Carl CantLetItGo and I’ve got ya.”