Guys please stop the bickering. I have some good news. I sent this e-mail to a buddy of mine and he decoded it from management to pilot talk and included it after each sentence in parenthesis. This is what he sent me:


Dear Future New Hire (Dear Poor Bas@@@d who thought he had a job)

I would like to start off saying thank you for your patience with us here at AirTran Airways. We are very excited to have you join our team! (So you didn’t get hired anywhere else and thought you were good to go here. You are one of us, the only downside is you don’t get paid nor do you get any benefits)

Some good news to share with you is that we are not furloughing pilots and AirTran Airways is still a strong player in the airline industry. (Right now we don’t plan on furloughing the dudes here, but we also told you you were hired. We also haven’t filed for bankruptcy) The bad news is that I am still not able to offer you a class date at this time. (Sucks to be you.) We originally thought a July class was going to be a possibility, but today found out that it might be September or later due to high fuel prices which have caused us to slow down our growth. (Gas cost a lot and if it goes down we might get you squared away.) A Frequently Asked Question we have received is “Will I have to interview again?” (We want you to think other dudes are worried about interviewing again so you aren’t mad at us and think you have a good deal) At this time the answer is NO. (Well I can’t think of anything here so I guess the answer is no, sorry I mean NO) You will be kept in our hired pool and contacted once we have class dates available. (Well we hired you and we aren’t interviewing new guys so if it makes you feel better we will say you are in our pool because we hear SWA has a pool and those guys are happy to be there.) You will be contacted based on the class date you were originally scheduled for (not interview date). ( If you were in the first cancelled class we will call you first so you should feel good, dudes in the later classes, it is still good) I will continue to keep you updated with further information as I receive it. (Your guess is as good as mine)

Again, we are so excited to have you join our team in the future and if you have any further questions, do not hesitate to contact me. (You are cool and I have a job)

Best Regards,
(I didn’t come here to start no trouble, I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle,)