I've lived in the Bay Area for 27 years, was based at SFO for 9 years with Skywest (currently trying to get back to SFO as a fellow UA 737FO but didn't get it on the last vacancy bid.) I've also worked non-aviation jobs all over the Bay Area including the area your wife is commuting to. So I can offer a few location tips.

The big factor here is your wife's commute. The traffic in the Bay has returned to pre-pandemic levels; Tuesday through Thursday are absolutely jammed on most freeways. I had to drive from SFO to Santa Rosa a few Thursday afternoons ago and it took three hours. Similarly, commuting southbound from the far north Bay (Santa Rosa, Rohnert Park, Petaluma etc) into the city on a weekday morning can be a nightmare. Public transit is limited, and parking in downtown SFO is $40/day. If your commute to SFO was the only consideration, I'd say the far north bay would be a decent option, just because you're not doing that drive 3x/week.

The southern part of the North Bay (Sausalito up to about Novato) is much closer to the city, but that convenience comes with a steep price. I'm not sure of your housing requirements or budget, but a quick Zillow search for decent houses in that area will show you just how much it costs to live that close to SF. Marin County is gorgeous, but it's full of tech money and the real estate prices are somewhat breathtaking.

Given where your wife has to commute to, I would suggest looking at places that are fairly close to a BART line (our 'rapid' transit train, i.e. subway that extends far out into the suburbs.) Somewhere in the East Bay, like Walnut Creek, is only a 40-minute BART ride from downtown SF, and you'll have two choices of bridges when you're driving to SFO (Bay or the San Mateo Bridge.) The closer you get to the city, like Orinda or Lafayette, the higher the housing prices will be, but the shorter the drive. But it's worth investigating. The scenery in that part of the Bay is lovely and the area is quite safe (as is Marin.)

Somewhat lower down on the price list and slightly less convenient would be places like Castro Valley or Fremont. The BART ride into SF from Castro Valley is about an hour, but your drive to SFO will only be about 45 minutes.

Then there's the Peninsula, like San Mateo, Belmont, Burlingame, San Carlos, etc. You'll be a stone's throw from SFO, and your wife can hop on Caltrain for a fairly quick ride downtown, but you'll also be facing Marin-like prices.

Again: given your wife's commute, I would strongly suggest finding somewhere that's either close to a BART station (East Bay) or a Caltrain station (Peninsula.) Driving into downtown San Francisco multiple times per week, from anything more than about 15-20 miles away, is a really tough slog, given the realities of traffic. Unless she can go into work only on Mondays and Fridays, when the traffic is noticeably lighter. (Covid basically compressed the 5-day commute mania into Tues-Thursday, which is when everyone now goes into the office.)

Best of luck!