My condolences about your wife passing away.

Takes some time but look at the 3XP's and see what trips you actually can hold at your seniority. Look at several months to make sure the results you see are consistent over time.

Top x% Airbus FO in NYC? Might be able to hold transcons or turns that often get traded like hot cakes. At 15% seniority you'll be able to hold weekends off. Same with 30% relative seniority.

But based on what sort of flying each bid status does you might find out that 30% in Base X gets better trips (in your eyes) than being 15% in Base Y.

Check out PHL or MIA if they're commuteable. It's all about how much commuting pain you're willing to accept in order to have as much control over your schedule.