WASHINGTON, DC - In the latest knee-jerk response to airport security violations, the TSA is enacting new security measures aimed at keeping aircraft safe.

Following an incident where an airline crewmember set fire to wads of tissue and toilet paper with an illicit lighter that had been smuggled onboard, the TSA has announced that crewmembers and passengers may no longer utilize toilet paper in the secure area of the airfield and onboard commercial airliners operating within the US...