Career path of an airline pilot -or, Newhire Blues
Career path of an airline pilot:
30 years old. Join Company. World is your Oyster.
31 years old. Buy Flashy Car, House and lots of toys.
Get over that Military poverty feeling.
32 years old. Divorce boring first wife. Pay Child support
and maintenance whilst looking for second wife.
Drink lots of beer and screw around whilst looking
for second wife.
33 years old. Repeat above for a few more years.
36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old virgin
flight attendant.
37 years old. Buy another house. Gave first one to wife #1.
38 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids.
Father again.
39 years old. Now a Captain. Hooray! Upgrade house and
buy boat and even flashier cars.
42 years old. Wife #2 runs off with wealthy merchant
banker but still wants share of house (100%).
43 years old. Settle with wife #2 and resolve to stay away
from women forever. Seek appointment as Check
Captain to have something to do. Move into two
Bed Apartment.
50 years old. Meet sexy singer on a trip. She loves you
and says you are very "beeeg."
51 years old. Marry sexy singer. Buy big house, boat
and upgrade cars.
52 years old. Sexy singer wants kids (not again).
Resolve to get vasectomy.
54 years old. Try to talk wife out of kids but hey presto
she's pregnant. Says got sick after taking pill.
Accident, sorry, won't happen again.
55 years old. Father of triplets.
56 years old. Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat
and very flashy cars. Give in.
57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have
enough money for retirement.
59 years old. Lose money on rash investments and
get audited by IRS.
60 years old. Wife #3 says you're too damned old and no fun.
Leaves. Takes most of your assets.
61 years old. Now Captain on a non-sched South American 727
freight outfit and living in 1-bedroom non-air conditioned
apartment directly underneath the approach corridor of
Miami International RWY 9.
65 years old. Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor.
Look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM
sim brief in every godforsaken town your carrier can
find cheap, off-hour sim time.
70 years old. Alarm clock set by previous hotel room FedEx occupant
goes off at 1 AM. Have heart attack and die. Happy at last!