Q: What's the difference between a first officer and a pizza?
A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four
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Whats the difference between a good flight attendant and a great flight attendent?
good one: "Good morning, Captain".
great one: "It's morning, Captain"
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What does the girl from Arkansas say after sex:
Dad get off me, you're crushing my cigarettes
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A pilot dies and is sent immediately to Hell. Upon arrival, he is greeted by the Devil in the recieving area.
"OK Captain, you are indeed in hell, but here you are allowed a choice. I'll show you three scenarios; you pick where you spend Eternity"
"Fair enough" the pilot agrees, and off they go.
They come upon the first door, behind which the Devil shows an existence of endless checklists and hounding from FAA inspectors.
"No way..." the pilot pronounces. The Devil shrugs and moves to the next door. Behind door #2 is a cockpit scenario, a nightmarish one at that, full of engine failiures, loss of control situations, the works.
"Not a chance, that's how I got here in the first place. What's Pilot Hell number 3 look like?" asks the pilot.
The Devil throws open the third door to expose another cockpit situation. However, in this one, the pilot is sitting back comfortably, the a/c on autopilot, and several scantily-clad flight attendants providing him coffee and other "services".
"Hell yeah!" the pilot exclaims. "I'm takin' door 3!"
The Devil, confused by his eagerness, peers in the door.
"Ahh, I have made a mistake. This door leads not to Pilot Hell; this is the first door to Flight Attendant Hell