I would like to say thank you for volunteering! Also, even though I'm not a chick, if I ever met you I would buy you a beer (although before you get too excited, that would probably be the extent of our relationship
)!
Anyway, I have given some thought to this controversial subject, and I believe that I have come up with the ideal solution, at least for passenger airlines (I know that this is the cargo section, but I'll have to work on that one later). My idea is to hand out loaded guns to all of the passengers. Now I know that some of you may think that this is silly, but please bear with me as I explain. Handguns could be issued by the gate agents as the people board the aircraft, or the flight attendants could pass them out (wrapped in clear plastic bags like the headphones) once everyone is seated. The airline could charge a nominal fee for a "rental" (the gun would be returned after landing), and they could charge an additional fee if the passenger wanted to take it home as a souvenir (like those little plastic wings that they give to the kids). Also, the airline could put its logo on all of the guns, which would be great advertising! With this extra revenue, the airline could afford to raise the pilots' salaries. Once all of the passengers were seated and armed, little annoying situations (e.g. unwelcome sexual advances, unruly kids) could be dealt with swiftly and severely. Air rage will be a thing of the past! In the worst case scenario, if terrorists try to take over the plane, they will get blown away by the fat shower curtain ring salesman in seat 17B! Pilots could then just concentrate on flying the plane. Passengers will further benefit if they take the guns home. Not only are guns more fun than the previously mentioned plastic wings, but they are also more useful. Just think how handy it would be to have one of your new airline pistols if you caught your spouse sleeping with one of your neighbors from the trailer park! Or if you went out to the "Quick-Mart" and found yourself a little short of change, you could still walk away with those lottery tickets and a carton of cigarettes! Perhaps the best thing as a result of this policy will be the elimination of TSA/airport security. No more long lines of people waiting to be cavity-searched! And the federal government will save so much money from the elimination of FAMs and TSA at the airports, that they will be able to pay off part of social security (or at least bail out more industries!).