A couple of shot ones
What is the ideal cockpit crew? .......
A pilot and a dog...the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How do you know if there is a pilot at your party?
He'll tell you.
What do pilots use for birth control?
Their personality.
What is the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining soon after landing.