First off...Sorry to hear about your divorce, or congratulations, depending on how you feel about it. No matter what, it is a tough thing to go through, so be sure when you fly your mind is on the game and don't feel bad about calling in sick if you are not mentally fit to fly. It gets better over time.
I separated from my ex-wife in 2001, divorce was finalized in 2003. My children were 6 and 11 at the time. I can't say I know what the judge would have done, because I was able to persuade her that avoiding court was best for all involved, especially the kids. It cost me giving up some monetary gains, but the agreement we ended up with was joint legal custody with her having primary physical custody.
The BIG thing I got was that we agreed I would get the kids on ALL my days off, up to a max of 15 per month to be fair. As I was a lineholder at the time, I usually had my kids 15 days a month. The stipulation was that she had to give me specific day requests that she wanted them by the 10th of the prior month so I could try to bid to work those days so she could have them. I had to give her the month's schedule by the 30th of the month for the following month. That way I had time to not only bid, but trade when trip trading opened the 27th of the month, so that I had the best chance of working around the days she wanted them. I also agreed that I would always let her have them at least 2 weekends a month, even if I had every weekend off, so sometimes that meant giving up a few days.
In Virginia the shared custody rules for figuring support take effect if you have the kids over 90 days per year, so I applied those as well, which reduced the amount of support I paid since I had the kids half of every month. As for holidays, our agreement only worked because we agreed to be flexible. We had no set plan for holidays but only agreed to remain flexible with recognition of my schedule as a pilot and the fact that I may not get holidays off every year, so some years I may have them two in a row.
This all worked because I only lived a few miles from my ex, so I was able to take the kids to school and pick them up on the days I had them. I hated living here, but stayed to be close to the kids.
Now, my oldest is 20 and out of the house, and I have full legal and physical custody of my youngest, who is 15 now. That happened when my ex got a second divorce and found herself homeless and living with a woman who did drugs. Funny, I diligently paid support all those years to her without ever being late or short, yet I have never seen a dime of child-support from her in over 2 years of having full custody. Its not worth the hassle to me to go after it at this point.
I have known several pilots who have full custody, and many of them have arrangements similar to what I had. If you would like I can see if I can find my old agreement and fax a copy to you, just PM me.
Good luck!
Brett