We all know the feeling. But let me suggest this for a "realistic goal": Find something else you like to do, another profession you can see yourself in, that is actually something that you can make a decent paycheck at. Accountant, electrician, contractor, orthdontist, orthopedic surgeon, whatever. In these times, I think every aspiring professional pilot needs a "back-up plan/back-up profession". In fact, if it eventually turns out that your "back-up profession" becomes your primary profession (most likely becuase of the financial rewards) then you may very well be able to buy yourself a nice airplane to fly wherever and whenever you want. I am not saying to give up your desire/plan/dream to fly for a living........ just understand reality (years of crappy flying jobs, low pay, and time away from home before you possibly get that good flying job); and, most important, have a back-up plan to earn a decent wage and have a reasonably nice quality of life.