It might be worth asking the gate agent very nicely at the gate (something like "my husband is a Delta pilot, and he suggested I should check with you to see if this fare is eligible for an upgrade. How does that work?"), but I'd be careful. The reason I say this is based on an experience on Air France during furlough. I had a full-fare coach ticket, and told the A-Line I was a Delta pilot on furlough travelling on a full-fare ticket, and wondered if the Captain would consider, as a courtesy, upgrading me...

I get moved up.

A few minutes later, the A-Line comes back, and says she can't find me on the non-rev list. I re-state what I told her previously: I'm on furlough, with a ticket.

I get tossed to the back.

I think the logic is that, when you have a ticket, you're not a nonrev.

I know AF and DAL is apples-to-oranges, but if you think about it, we're pretty strict about keeping things separate: you're either non-reving, or on a ticket. You can't book the two at the same time.

So I would be super, super mellow, and ask ever so innocently if the fare qualifies, but I wouldn't try to ask for a favor on the basis of being in the family, because the wrong agent or A-line might react the wrong way. It's a small distinction I'm making, but I think you get my point: she wants to be ever so subtle.