Fedex -- When is the bid?
06-27-2010 | 11:04 PM
#82
Gets Weekends Off
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 954
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From: headbanging
Very well. Where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, an Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There's nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Hey, ya thief!!
06-28-2010 | 12:32 AM
#83
Gets Weekends Off
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,068
Likes: 0
Another Quaalude she gonna love me again? What are you looking at? You're all a bunch of F.A's. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you want to be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your F fingers and say 'that's the bad guy'. So....what does that make you? Good? You're not good, you just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. I always tell the truth.....even when I lie. SO SAY GOODNIGHT TO THE BAD GUY! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on, make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy coming thru, better get out of his way!
06-28-2010 | 02:57 AM
#84
Gets Weekends Off
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,224
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Part 2
Jean Luc was a manly man, which, of course, most frenchmen are. Jean Luc took us to his favorite waterin hole, the Tight End. It was a manly bar, no doubt, so much so they didn't let women folk to enter. It was a curious bar, they had manly picture of shirtless mustachioed men and an interestin leather shop. I had no idea what most of the stuff was fer, but I'd say those folk took a likin to cowboys.
The chaps were grand! We met a quite hansome gent, named Sluggo_63. He sported rock hard abs and his face was a smooth as I'd seen. Oh, and his aftershave was sumthing else! Not that cheap alcohol based stuff, but the good non-alcohol based kind that keeps your face from dryin out. Mr Sluggo saw to it that we never bought a drink and kindly asked us if we would like to dance. I, of course, refused. Partly due to me verry-kose veins and a chronic foot fungus.
After sum time, Jean Luc became very tired. He muttered sumthing about a Ruby or Ru-fee and that he got some drinks mixed up. Sluggo kindly made sure that Jean Luc was going to get home alright. We left for the Holiday Inn for sum shut-eye.
After several more days of protectin the essential, our luck changed. For the better. The capt'n still pined for sweet Martha, he said she gave him the gift that kept on givin'. I kindly asked the capt'n if I could ever be so lucky as to receive a gift like that, but he never answered. Just kept sayin' that he would have to find another place to live and that he would lose half his pension. He called skeduling, asked if we could be ex.tended. Said he needed more time for a problem to clear up. His spirits were high when they offered us a trip to Las Vegas.
Shortly after arrivin in Las Vegas we met a mysterious man, went by the name of Doug. Doug was part of a wolfpack. His pack had one, two, three, or four members. We weren't sure and I don't think he was really sure either, but I digress... Doug invited us.....(to be continued)
Jean Luc was a manly man, which, of course, most frenchmen are. Jean Luc took us to his favorite waterin hole, the Tight End. It was a manly bar, no doubt, so much so they didn't let women folk to enter. It was a curious bar, they had manly picture of shirtless mustachioed men and an interestin leather shop. I had no idea what most of the stuff was fer, but I'd say those folk took a likin to cowboys.
The chaps were grand! We met a quite hansome gent, named Sluggo_63. He sported rock hard abs and his face was a smooth as I'd seen. Oh, and his aftershave was sumthing else! Not that cheap alcohol based stuff, but the good non-alcohol based kind that keeps your face from dryin out. Mr Sluggo saw to it that we never bought a drink and kindly asked us if we would like to dance. I, of course, refused. Partly due to me verry-kose veins and a chronic foot fungus.
After sum time, Jean Luc became very tired. He muttered sumthing about a Ruby or Ru-fee and that he got some drinks mixed up. Sluggo kindly made sure that Jean Luc was going to get home alright. We left for the Holiday Inn for sum shut-eye.
After several more days of protectin the essential, our luck changed. For the better. The capt'n still pined for sweet Martha, he said she gave him the gift that kept on givin'. I kindly asked the capt'n if I could ever be so lucky as to receive a gift like that, but he never answered. Just kept sayin' that he would have to find another place to live and that he would lose half his pension. He called skeduling, asked if we could be ex.tended. Said he needed more time for a problem to clear up. His spirits were high when they offered us a trip to Las Vegas.
Shortly after arrivin in Las Vegas we met a mysterious man, went by the name of Doug. Doug was part of a wolfpack. His pack had one, two, three, or four members. We weren't sure and I don't think he was really sure either, but I digress... Doug invited us.....(to be continued)
06-28-2010 | 05:13 AM
#85
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Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 30
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From: Kubota Captain
Hey GoandFly, I believe you and your continuing saga are well on your way to the perfect country and western song. According to David Alan Coe you must mention mama, trains, trucks, and getting drunk. Didn't JeanLuc spend a stint as Casey Jones fireman?
06-28-2010 | 07:18 AM
#87
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,371
Likes: 12
My Story
There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
I been sayin' that **** for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. (Or I forgot to take HKG off the practice bid) I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er to initiate CRM or before I popped a cap in his ass during a mediated debrief.
But I saw some **** this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinkin': maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man.
And Mr. Contract here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.
Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that **** ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
I been sayin' that **** for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. (Or I forgot to take HKG off the practice bid) I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er to initiate CRM or before I popped a cap in his ass during a mediated debrief.
But I saw some **** this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinkin': maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man.
And Mr. Contract here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.
Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that **** ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
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