For all you retired "guys" out there ...
07-30-2015, 01:03 PM
#1
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Apr 2006
Position: MD-11 Captain
Posts: 4,304
For all you retired "guys" out there ...
All of the retired folks out there ...
We have a cockpit mock-up in a walk-in closet in our house.
When I mention to my wife that I miss flying, she puts me in the mock-up around bed time for 8 hours.
She has a chair in the closet, puts on the vacuum cleaner on the chair to simulate cockpit air noise, has a dim night light to simulate cockpit lighting, serves cold chicken with cold vegetables on a tray.
When I get sleepy and attempt to doze off, she knocks twice loudly on the door to simulate the Flight Attendant entering the cockpit.
Then after 6 hours she turns on a flood light directly in front of me to simulate the sun coming up when heading Eastbound at 5:00 am.
I then get a cup of coffee that has been in the coffee maker all night.
Finally she lets me out and I have to get in the back seat of her car while she runs morning errands to simulate the limo ride to the hotel.
When we get home I tell her I am ready for bed, the bedroom door is locked for an hour to simulate the hotel rooms not being ready.
When I promise to never "complain" again about being retired, I am allowed to enjoy my "layover" and go to bed.
Oh....and one more thing, she talks to her friends loudly outside the bedroom door on the phone to simulate the hotel maids chattering in the hall in some foreign language.
After two hours of sleep she calls the phone next to the bed from her cell and says "This is crew scheduling and we have a reroute for you. Do you have something to write with?"
No, I guess I really don't miss it after all.
We have a cockpit mock-up in a walk-in closet in our house.
When I mention to my wife that I miss flying, she puts me in the mock-up around bed time for 8 hours.
She has a chair in the closet, puts on the vacuum cleaner on the chair to simulate cockpit air noise, has a dim night light to simulate cockpit lighting, serves cold chicken with cold vegetables on a tray.
When I get sleepy and attempt to doze off, she knocks twice loudly on the door to simulate the Flight Attendant entering the cockpit.
Then after 6 hours she turns on a flood light directly in front of me to simulate the sun coming up when heading Eastbound at 5:00 am.
I then get a cup of coffee that has been in the coffee maker all night.
Finally she lets me out and I have to get in the back seat of her car while she runs morning errands to simulate the limo ride to the hotel.
When we get home I tell her I am ready for bed, the bedroom door is locked for an hour to simulate the hotel rooms not being ready.
When I promise to never "complain" again about being retired, I am allowed to enjoy my "layover" and go to bed.
Oh....and one more thing, she talks to her friends loudly outside the bedroom door on the phone to simulate the hotel maids chattering in the hall in some foreign language.
After two hours of sleep she calls the phone next to the bed from her cell and says "This is crew scheduling and we have a reroute for you. Do you have something to write with?"
No, I guess I really don't miss it after all.
07-30-2015, 08:10 PM
#4
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: 767A (Ret)
Posts: 6,248
Those who are still working can assemble a "retirement simulator" to practice for the big day. You will need a recliner, TV, refrigerator, golf clubs, fishing rod, etc. Your alarm clock and phone must be disabled. Calendars should be modified to label every day a Saturday, except for the Sundays. 
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