PETA Sues On Behalf Of Geese Lost In 'Flight 1549 Tragedy'

Wed, 01 Apr '09
Asks For $250K, Apologies To Flock -- "But We Can Do Without Apologies"

ANN APRIL 1st "SPECIAL" EDITION: Saying the recent downing of a US Airways Airbus A320 following an inflight encounter with geese was "an avian tragedy unprecedented in the course of modern human events," on Wednesday the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals filed suit in US District Court of New York against the airline for the "unwarranted slaughter, fricasseeing, slicing, dicing, julienning and barbequeing of at least four Canadian Geese."
As ANN reported, the A320 with 155 persons onboard had just taken off from New York's LaGuardia Airport on January 15 when its flight path conflicted with the track of a large flock of geese. Investigators have not yet determined how many birds were struck by the airliner... but PETA officials believe between 4-6 birds met their demise, most by passing through the rotating turbine disks of the airliner's twin CFM56-5B/P turbofans.
"There is no other way to say it -- the so-called "Miracle on the Hudson" was in truth a slaughter," said PETA spokeswoman Moonbeam Horowitz. "Those birds took flight that day with not a care in the world, their sole goal to fly around for a little bit in the manner Mother Nature intended.
"It's unconscionable such a tragedy has been lauded by the media, our elected officials -- even President Obama! -- as an inspiring event," Horowitz added. "What's more, we fear such popular support will only spur other pilots to attempt copycat acts."
The animal rights organization is seeking $250,000 in damages, as well as a formal apology from US Airways CEO Doug Parker, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, and first officer Jeffrey Skiles.
Horowitz added, "if a deal must be made, we can do without the apologies."
In related news, a major cereal company announced special honorary packaging of one of its popular breakfast cereals, in honor of the Flight 1549 crew. Instead of the legendary "Wheaties" box, however, the crew will grace the fronts of economy-size boxes of "Shredded Tweet."

 

I didnt read the whole thing, but it has ot be an April Fools.

 

"And thattt's the way it is,...Wednesday, APRIL FIRST, 2009,...this is Walter Cronkite, in New York. Good night".
fbh

 

Also yesterday, the NTSB published the following:
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US Airways violated Federal migratory bird regulations by hunting geese with an A320 Airbus jetliner, claim anonymous government sources. The pilot of flight 1549, Air Force veteran and avid hunter Chesley B. Sullenberger, tried combining both of his interests by bagging a brace of geese over the wetlands near New York's LaGuardia airport after takeoff, on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina. The imported European $77 million A320 airliner is not certified for either waterfowl or upland bird hunting, so it was not surprising that the aircraft malfunctioned. When he realized that both New York and New Jersey State Game and Fish enforcement officers would soon be approaching, Captain Sullenberger unsuccessfully attempted to hide the plane in the Hudson River. The crew and 150 passengers were chilled and shaken but unhurt. Most were simply grateful to avoid spending the weekend in Charlotte.

National Transportation Safety Board inspectors rushed to the scene, and reportedly found no Duck Stamps on the downed aircraft's fuselage. Captain Sullenberger has not been charged but is being held incommunicado at an undisclosed location. PETA is urging the government to prosecute the pilot for double honkercide and poaching, and the animal rights group is expected to file a civil suit on behalf of the flock. The two victims were undocumented aliens, according to sources close to the investigation, Canada geese who had over-stayed their visas. Their goose gang scandalized their quiet Queens community by squatting in local cemeteries and golf courses, parking on the grass, cooking strange-smelling food and throwing wild parties late into the night. Neighbors say police dogs were called out on several occasions.

Such incidents have triggered a wave of anti-Canada goose sentiment, but at this time revenge or hate crime motives are not suspected in the US Airways bird bashings. Forensic examination of the avian corpses continues, and technicians are analyzing the two cadavers under heat with chestnuts, prunes, and Armagnac. NTSB inspectors have contributed a supply of testing fluid, a 2005 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling from Alsace. We will update this story as entrees details become available.