How To Annoy The FAs
 

...i figured that a new thread dedicated to this matter would be more appropriate...so fire away and whatever you can think of/have heard of in regards to messing with em...

Turn the heat up..

Have to go back and use the bathroom on a flight from EWR to ALB!

If her name is Katherine, continually refer to her as Penelope over the P/A for all 4 days of a 4-day rotation.

Convince the passengers the FA was a member of some obscure Olympic team, like Pentathlon or Synchronized Swimming.

listen to them on the PA and when they get to the part about keeping the seat belt fastened until the captain has turned off the seat belt sign, right before they say it turn off the seatbelt sign.....it screws them up bad as they don't know what to say next.

then there is the fake rat in the overhead

I love saying the wrong city during the descent PA... "Ladies and gentleman we are about 22 minutes out of Kansas City..." when we are actually going to Boston or somewhere... immediately the FA gets "dinged" by most of the passengers concerned they got on the wrong airplane...

I thought it was funny... anyone?

Print some in-range paperwork from the ACARS printer and dont tear it off, open the printer and unroll about 6 feet of paper, write stupid things every foot or two, then feed the tip through the vent. Most of the FAs just grab and start walking down the aisle, which looks funny when you have 6feet of streaming paper :)

Ask for a cup of coffee. Say you like it black so they should fill it up all the way. When they ding you to open the door...hit some "Unexpected Turbulence" with the control yoke....

When the FA has the cabin prepared for takeoff she has to reach up and "ding" the flight deck. So for your announcement you say:

"Mary, I have been holding out way too long to ask you this. I really like you a lot, will you go out with me? If its a yes, please reach up and ring the flight deck."

Just be ready when you open the door after landing.

This whole thread confirms:

"Immature Children who are willing to fly for 20K a year".

For gosh sakes leave the poor girl or guy alone. They are the one who has to deal with up to 50 people by themselves on those ungodly schedules that you are dumb enough to fly for. You SHOULD be showing that person in the back some respect and make their job EASIER.

Second to that Walt...I've only had one mission where we had flight attendants for our DV and I loved having someone on-board who cooked and looked after me.

You all understand that you have only one line of defense beween you and your walking boxes, right?

Spare us the lecture. In this line of work you have to play around or you will go crazy. Everyone knows we are the CREW ie TEAM ie CRAZY PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF AN AIRPLANE. It is more than possible to joke around and remain completely professional and respectul... I know, I do it on every trip.

IronWalt and AFPirate,

I am sure that you guys are were model students all the way from the nursery until you graduated with your double PhDs from Harvard and Yale which you attended concurrently and you are now the model citizens that all of your friends and family attempt to emulate.

We here on this regional board can but dream of ascending to your celestial status. While wer are still earth-bound, please allow us to have some fun. If this thread is below you, and I'm sure it is, you can ignore it.

Convince the F/A that you forgot to check the brake-lights on your walk-around and have him/her check them for you while you hold the brakes. Ten-points if you can pull it off.

Very Nice!!!

Tell them you have a lav overheat light and make them toss all their ice in the toilet (warning not responsible for damage to your airplanes plumbing)

Interupt their list of available beverages with Dr. Pepper, Mug Root beer, Old English malt liquor, etc.


that would be the allegedly bulletproof thing with the deadbolt, right?

Had a captain tell me a story about way back in the day they had a new flight attendant and convinced her on her very first day that when they rang the imminent landing chime she had to come up to the flightdeck and put the gear down.

She did this for the whole month (same crew) and they never told her it was a joke when she changed crews for the next month.

I would have loved to see that next captains face when she came up and put the gear down on that first leg...

I heard this one from a buddy of mine. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you look outside the right window, you'll see the tiny town of Wedlock, Texas. Our flight attendant (insert name) was raised just ouside of Wedlock."

Another one - wait for a cold day, and welcome everybody aboard. Remind them how cold it is, and let them know that their flight attendant XXX makes the best cup of hot cocoa. I'm not even sure if anyone carries hot cocoa, but when he told this story, the FA had to mix every cocoa individually, and it was a pain. The crew would take bets to see how many the FAs would have to mix on a given leg.

Tell them you need air samples from throughout the cabin. You have them take a small trashbag and do this and tell them to tie it off when they are done and keep it until landing. When you get to the destination, tell them they need to turn it in to the gate agent.

Good stuff.

As the FA is trying to do their count, say over the PA that "if any of you gate checked a black rollerboard bag, please ring your flight attendant call button immediately."

Also, stick a $20 in the acars, feed it out and convince the FA it's an ATM linked up to the credit union.

Right on, if you can't have a little fun at work, why bother going?

Tell a FA that the time at this city is 1/2 hour behind Eastern Daylight because they were in between time zones and couldn't decide which one to go with. Make sure they announce it to the passengers since most of them aren't aware of it.

Radar Calibration:

Have F/A grab one of the window heat shades( the big shiny silver ones are nice) and go stand 20-30 feet in front of the airplane while you calibrate the radar for the flight. Have em' move left or right and adjusting the panel up or down per your instructions until radar is thoroughly calibrated.

IMHO, pranks are an integral part of crew unity and job sanity in this business. For those of you who never flew prior to 9/11 I'm truly sorry, because it was such a different environment then, and much more light hearted.

A good FA knows that everything is in good humor. A great FA will figure out ways to get back at the flightdeck with a good prank of their own. (Just remember if you dish it out, you'd better be able to take it too!)

As for some of the pranks I've seen/done/or heard about:

In the CRJ, turn off the window heat in cruise on one side of the cockpit, then call the flight attendant up. Tell her that you think that you have exceeded the speed of heat and have her feel the cockpit windows (one will be warm, the other cold). Then instruct her to go back and check the cabin windows and report back on the temperature of each.


Explain that you feel that there is an air leak in the aircraft. Tell the FA that you know all the doors are secure (show them the door synoptic page), so the only thing you can think is that air is leaking out the lav. Tell them to go back to the lav and sit, forming a good seal, and then listen for any air leaks/flow. Report back to the cockpit with the results.


Lots of potential with barf jokes. Nuff said. Just make sure you don't have a sympathetic puker in the crew.


Rubber dog poop can be fun too.


Here was a good one pulled on me by another crew- Sitting at the gate, getting ready to depart when another aircraft (CRJ) pulls up beside us. The CA asks over the company ops freq if "we're up." I reply yes and he asks me to watch his passengers deplane. (I assume that he's running an engine or something and wants to make sure they don't wander around). I say okay, then keep and eye on them. Every one of them steps of the plane and smiles and waves. Not wanting to be a jerk (but also trying to get the paperwork done for my flight), I have to stop and wave back and smile. Finally everybody is off and the captain of the other flight comes over to us. I ask what was going on... his reply: "Oh. I had a really bad landing, so to take the focus off of me, I told them that it was your 21st birthday and they should all wave and wish you a happy birthday as they deplaned."

Actually most FA's like it and will retaliate in turn. It helps build the team atmosphere. The ones that don't like it are obvious and I leave them alone.

[QUOTE=doug_or;165668]Tell them you have a lav overheat light and make them toss all their ice in the toilet (warning not responsible for damage to your airplanes plumbing)

Interupt their list of available beverages with Dr. Pepper, Mug Root beer, Old English malt liquor, etc.

[QUOTE]

You can really sell this one by typing "HOTLAV" in the FMS flight number and having a master caution light flashing. I have fooled several very senior FA's with this one.

My personal favorite is to tell the FA that we have a gear jam but we are not going to tell the pax. Maintenance requires her/him to do a unusual procedure. Call them up and tell them to discretely go to row 14 or so and jump up and down. It works the best with 2 FA's with one in on the gag. While they are jumping the other FA announces the new style of dance the FA is designing.

I have heard just about everyone of these, but the ATM thing is funny, funny, stuff!

We had a REAL rat in the overhead...based on the volume and duration of the screaming, that would upset them.

I personally like to hide their demo CD...oh they love that!

While boarding, announce that it's his/her birthday. Every leg.

I've done that, and it actually works out pretty good...they end up with tips, and we end up with free beer....cheers.

When I was on the Dash, we had a new, very excited about her job, girl. She came up to the cockpit and asks "what button do you push to call me?" With out missing a beat the CA points to the HSI control thats illuminated "slave" and says "this one right here." I wish I had a camera for the look on her face.

Use caution
 

Very true about the changed environment. Some other F/As and passengers who may observe the prank no longer share our sense of humor. Recent events have put a lot of people into the "short temper" mode, and you can't always tell who they are. Then you get a call or letter from the Chief Pilot. Unfortunate, but that's the way it is now.

For newbie FAs
 

My personal favorite is to tell a new FA that the aircraft is very sensitive to lateral changes in Weight and Balance and that it is of the utmost importance to remain as close as possible to the center of the walkway. Have the NFP watch her as she moves away from the center; PF rolls the plane in that direction. Works every time.

Another fun one is to have a new FA ask for "permission to come aboard" every time she enters the flight deck. This is most effective if carried out for an entire four day trip and then allowed to continue on to whoever she flies with next...

Not quite FA's but..
 

When I was flying on the C-130s back in the day going TDY to do personnel drops for the Army, I would pour a can of soup in a barf bag, toss it in the oven at FS 245 and pass it back to the loadmaster who was usually camped out by the paratroop doors, using the Army folks to pass it down to him. He would get the bag, whip out a spoon start eating. Those poor grunts just knew it was barf...but it was just soup in there. We would just get finish flying a low level, yankin' and bankin' and be about 5 minutes to green light to drop, but the would lose their lunch over the soup thing but not the low level. Talk about your sentimental pukers...

i remember hearing a story about some 707 pilots who with the f/a in the cockpit metioned that one of them had to go to the bathroom. enginner pops open the aftmost cover for some circuit, peaks in, and then says, 'youre clear.' f/a of course freaked out thinking they could 'know' when the front lav was occupied so they always used the rear...

tell the FA you need and airsample and have them walk downt he aisle carrying a plastic bag getting the sample

once had an FA check the lav juice color about 6 times because it was 'MEL'd' and then ask her which way the toilet flushs, had her back there a ton of times checking that thing, lol

propwash usually works

heard a story of the pilots tellin the FA that they could light a cigarette with the radar, she tried

in the saab pull the utility bus circuit breaker then hit all the PCUs once then at the right moment push the breaker back in the all the lights will go off at the same time throughlly confusing them

Not an FA joke, but one that I heard from an old C5 aircraft commander- The crew had spent several days overseas in the far east and apparently consumed a large amount of beer on the layover. They saved all of the empty cans, and stowed them away up under the engineers panel in large garbage bags.

Headed home, with a full load of troops and other gear in the back, they had the loadmaster walk by the troops every 10-15 minutes with a tray full of full beers (unopened) on his way to the flight deck. He'd then swap out the full cans for the empties, and then walk back past the troops. Apparently made for some good conversation in the back...

Another good prank is to make the FA salute the US flag painted on the tail of the aircraft every time they board. Had a former Navy Commander do that one.