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Life as a Pilot
"Life as a Pilot"
22 years old: Graduated from college. Go to military flight school. Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get married. 25 years old: Have 1st kid. Now hotshot fighter jock getting shot at in war.Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war again. 29 years old: Get back from war all tuckered out. Wants out of military. 30 years old: Join airline. World is your oyster. 31 years old: Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the military poverty feeling. 32 years old: Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for 2nd wife. 33 years old: Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun.Repeat above for a few more years. 35 years old: Airline recall. More screwing around but looking forward to a good marriage and settling down. 36 years old: Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant. 37 years old: Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife. 38 years old: Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again. Wife concerned about "risky" military Reserve flying so you resign commission. 39 years old: Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small single engine airplane and even flashier cars. 42 years old: 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but still wants to share house (100%). 43 years old: Settle with wife # 2 and resolve to stay away from women forever. Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air conditioners. 44 years old: Company resizes and you're returned to copilot status. 25% pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay. 49 years old: Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment with central air conditioning. 50 years old: Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves you and says you are very "beeeeg!" 51 years old: Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house, boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars. 52 years old: Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy. 54 years old: Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she's pregnant. She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident, sorry, won't happen again. 55 years old: Father of triplets. 56 years old: Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat and very flashy cars, "worried" about your private flying and wants you to sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and join motorcycle club. 57 years old: Make rash investments to try and have enough money for retirement. 59 years old: Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS. You have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2. 60 years old: Wife #3 (sexy model) says you're too damned old and no fun. She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You're forced to retire due to Age 60 rule. No money left. 61 years old: Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727 freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int'l. You have "interesting" Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you've ever flown DC-3's. 65 years old: Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Don't look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim in every god-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can find cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines. 70 years old: Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crewmember goes off at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face. Happy at last! |
Hilarious, loved it.
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Funny, but sadly achievable.
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OUCH !!!! It's funny but the part that scares me it's that I could be that guy in 20 years !!! actually any of us here !!!!!!!!!!!!
The two weakness that when combined can suck up your LIFE : AVIATION AND WOMEN !!!!!!!!!! Make sure you only have problems with one of these two. If you are having trouble with both.......... stop looking for the ejectment handle..........you are already fcked UP !!!! GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY !!!!!!! |
Excellent, this is a classic. Ive seen it before, but not sure where. Thanks for bringing it back! I love the last part! :D
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sure as hell beats having one boring wife and being stuck in the suburbs your whole life working a dead end job you hate
i wouldn't take that life to be able to marry a danish super model though, she'd have to be italian |
Originally Posted by HoboPilot
(Post 167662)
sure as hell beats having one boring wife and being stuck in the suburbs your whole life working a dead end job you hate
i wouldn't take that life to be able to marry a danish super model though, she'd have to be italian Age 21, graduate college, get first job, live in apartment with two other guys, drive a used car. have fun with the ladies. Age 23, go to graduate school for MBA. Borrow 100K, to go to a "quality" school. Age 25, graduate again. sign on with a fortune 500 company as a "middle manager" find first wife, live in an apartment due to oppressive student loan payment. Age 28, go thru first corporate "re-org" or downsizing. lose job. move to a new city to find employment where there arent as many unemployed MBA's about. Age 30, change to new "innovative" employer, seeking better pay and stock options. wife takes a job, so you can have a mortgage in the burbs and student loan payment. Age 33, your "innovative" employer goes under. it seems that nobody really cared about that particular innovation. move to another city to find employment. wife gets angry about constant moving. Age 34, get job with another fortune 500 company. hope this one will be stable. buy a cheap house in the burbs, as the student loan payments are still oppressive. etc...etc... :eek: |
dead on.;) im right in the middle. got the second wife and another kid..ha ha ha
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Being a pilot is as good as climbing through a layer with a full moon ahead of you and as far as you can see is a silvery cloud deck. If you have a soul that will be a picture you can call up for life.
It's as bad as getting to the outstation on Saturday morning and being told to airline home, the airline has shut down. You have to decide if the bad is worth the good. For me it has been. |
sounds like a great life...
But I like happy endings, the end should something like: Dies from Viagra induced heart failure with the sister of wife #3 or #2 on top wears his captains hat and make planes sound while... Yeah ............ |
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