How do u make a FA come?

You ding her.

How do you keep a FA from coming?

*Call her

Xjet has them...

Ummm. I'm sure that whatever Xjet passes off as crew "meals" don't fit the true meaning of the term. Last time I checked, none of the aircraft that Xjet has in the fleet have a way to heat food up.

They're called turkey bullets my friend! The famous CAL turkey bullet.:D

Seriously though, the branded flying is supposed to have pretty good in-flight catering with lots of name brand snacks, sandwiches, pasta salads, etc.

When you get to the airplane in the morning ask the FA to run back up to the gate agent to get the keys. We can't start er' up without the keys.

As a passenger once I saw an FA doing a walk around, in the rain, god only knows what was said to her...

With a FA on reserve, key into the scratchpad on the fms something along the lines of "F/A.JANE.DOE.CALL.CREW.SKED"

Then while passengers are deplaning and she is standing by the cockpit door, exclaim, "Oh crap, Jill, you have a message".

Dude, that's not right. A fellow crewmember would have to give me a really good reason to get them to call Scheduling; that goes way beyond prank.

This is better (Last leg, last day):

FA.JANE.DOE.REPORT.TO.OPS.FOR.DRUG.TEST