My rant
 

One of my jobs as a Beech FO is the stand infront of the prop as the passengers board. At the same time, as if by magic, I get the clearance, weather, and close the cargo door.

Passengers usually greet me and say "hello" or "how are ya?" but more often than not, this isn't the case. For example:
"Who did you 'T-off' to fly this thing?"
"How many more hours you need until you can go fly those little jets?"
"Are you learning how to fly?"
"Are you the flight attendant?"
"Is this safe?"
"Wait.. they still use propeller planes?"
"I'm not getting on that!"
"Holy ******* this thing is small.."
"We should have driven."
"Am I going to get sick?"

and my new favorite, "Did you spin the rubberbands tight enough on the propellers?"

There's a lot more but it hurts to think after droning along all day in my flying machine.
You guys get any of these?

How about "OUCH, MY EARS!"

"Is this like the bus to the real airplane?"

How about "thank you for the nice flight, tell the captain nice landing" after I was the one that flew the leg.

Another FO used this in Massena, NY, a 5,000' strip with usually about 3-4 people getting on and off.

Passenger: "THIS is the plane we are flying in? Its REALLY small!"

F.O.: "Yep, but the funny thing is you thought a 737 was flying into Massena."

"What's that smell?"

"Are you really a pilot?"

If they comment that it's "so small", tell them to rub it and it will get bigger.

Or say "small, you should see my paycheck!"

Where's the bathroom at?

Oh man, i totally forgot about all the snyde bathroom remarks!
"Do I just pee in a bottle or what?"

I like when people give me drink orders on the way into the plane.
They give a quick glance and: "Coke."
Me: "umm.. Good afternoon, welcome"

Just say yes with an Honest-to-God expression and you'll take care of that quip right quick.

One I heard in the Jetstream days:

"How in the hell are we going to get 19 people in that thing?"

FO responds to the pax "Its kind of like a clowncar combined with a subway."

Please.............. I used to get offended in the SAAB, but they say the same thing about the Emb-145, and the same thing in a 737, and I have even heard one ignorant A** call a 757 small, they are clueless, I usually tell them it looks bigger in their driveway

Just tell them it will get bigger after you crash into the ocean and the water soaks in. That usually shuts 'em up.

Batman:

Use to bother me, but then I realized that these same people that make such comments, immediately identify themselves as infrequent flyers. Although, they may attempt to prop their egos, in reality they are part of the Orbitz, travelocity, Priceline crowd. In talking to our frequent travelers they're well aware of the aircraft that they fly in, and can often identify them as well as any pilot.

The next time you get one of these comments, just reply in a straight, sincere, and vocal voice; "Oh, I see you don't get to fly often, make sure you review the safety card in the seat back in front of you".

It'll shut them up real quick.;)

Are you just learning how to fly?

"I dont know, I was just sitting at the bar in the terminal and this dude walked up, bought me a beer and gave me this shirt, and told me to come down to the airplane."


When do you get to fly jets?

"After I crash a few more of these."



I cant believe we are getting on this thing!

"hope you went to church this morning?"


man I could go on and on. Relax, laugh it off, have some good comebacks and you'll have those people laughing thier a$$es off. Get a pair of those ridiculous coke bottle glasses that make your eyes look gigantic, and a set of bad bubba teeth and you will get some great reactions!

That one's maybe not such a good idea, unless you like peeing in cups and doing carpet dances.

Yeah that was in the day before the whiz quiz and breathalyzers, youhave to use a little discretion, but not much.:D

HILARIOUS... thanks for making me laugh u guys. There was another thread some months ago that had another long list of stupid things that pax say which was completely entertaining as well.

Nice.

..................

when i was at mesa a passenger told me i dont look old enough to know how to fly. i told him "i don't. Mesa is doing an exchange program with a local high school and teaching them how to fly." the look on his face was priceless and he shut up real quick.

Saw a video on youtube awhile back of some lady getting onto a Great Lakes Beech 1900 in Denver. Because she had the video camera out and rolling as she walked up the airstair the captain, who couldnt have been more than 27 made faces at the camera from the cockpit. Then when she got in the plane she asked him "do you have your learners permit young man?" And in his best baby voice he responded, "no i dont know how to fly plane." thought it was pretty funny.

yeah I get that all the time.. that I "don't look old enough to drink".. "you look like you're 16".. "do you even have your license?"
ya know what.. I'd rather look younger than my age than old.. so I take it as a compliment!

I am ALWAYS asked if I am a pilot, Wait girls are pilots? What? How old are you.......Are you from the military......

Whenever anyone asks if Im old enough to be a pilot I always respond "Its okay maam/sir, my mom signed the permission slip!"

Back in the days when I was in a Jetstream, we got a reroute, so I pulled out the chart and this guy leaned in the cockpit and asked, "don't you know where you're going?" I turned to him and with a dead serious look on my face said, "NO! Do you?"

Yes, but please don't tell my mother. She thinks I'm the piano player down at the Whor*house.

Slightly drunk Redneck: "Do you serve alcohol on the flight?"

Me: "Man, you don't even get water."

I didn't care about the insults. Heard all the young guy stuff as a 24 y/o new hire. I was there in pursuit of bettering my career, the peeps just happened to be along for the ride. It's a long road, work hard and enjoy the ride...being a Beech FO is what had me leaning toward UPS/FDX before cargo was cool(pre 9/11). Can't say I miss the pax much.

I hear ya, I dont miss the days of flying "sweaty faces, goin' places."

Is this left over from WWII?
I have friends with airplanes bigger than this

They let you fly? I thought they only let the pilot fly...

do you blame these passengers? I HATE Beech 1900's and every time I ride in a T-prop I hope I the guys up front dont kill me or the props dont come off and slice through the cabin. nothing personal, its just a crappy ride.

You must have never been in a Jetstream 31/32....

this is true.. I fly a turboprop and even I don't really like riding as pax in it.. too damn loud. Sometimes I just wanna whip out my bose and wear it just to drown out the noise. but then again some tprops are comfier in other ways then jets (well, rjs anyway)... like dash 8 cabin is fatter and roomier than rj cabin it seems.

ATR cabin is GREAT! Not too loud as long as you aren't right by the engines. I have sat in the last row and it was quite pleasant.

The turboprob says rwrwrwrwrwrwrwrwrwrwrrooowwwwrwrwrwrwrowwrwrrr

The regional jet says
hshshsssshshshshhhhsssssshshhshshshshssssshshhshs

They're both loud is my point. Just different noises.

The cow says, "moo."

Yes, and they are noisy, uncomfortable, and - something that neither turboprops nor jets can boast - smelly. I'd take a 1900 over a cow anyday.

1900s don't taste good when cooked rare and covered in steak sauce.

No good steak tastes good covered in steak sauce! It's like using Don Julio to make a margarita...:rolleyes:

I'm a big fan of the Outback Special.
No steak sauce on that one, but I sure do like that seasoning.