My Funniest Deadhead!!! Whats yours???
 

So I figured I would lighten up the mood and dim the lights on the whole economic situation and give you a story on my funniest deadhead...So....we are at FL340 just crusin along then all of a sudden the captain comes out to do the walk of shame...you know to the lav...this is a normal to me except....My MAN HAS A NEWSPAPER IN HIS HAND!!!!!:eek: I thinkin to myself like...NO....NO....NO....this can't be....hes about to lay one down the drain and HARD!!!! LOL!!!! SO ....I'm sitting there a trying to control my laughter because I know whats going on and passenger next to me is like whats up with this kid because I'm tearing up. Well.....time goes by....and when I say time goes by....I mean time is going by....tick tock tick tock.....Finally my man comes out the Lav with a look of relief (30 mins at least) And has the nerve to look at everyone else like they got a prob....Normal everyday business in his life I guess. I couldnt control my laughter!!!

Well theres mine....what is you funniest deadhead...with a passenger, crew or flight attendant....I know there are stories out there and would LUV to hear them.....:D

thats a good one

Did he remember to wash his hands?

awesome man..laughed so hard I cried...

Must have forgotten the noon-poop. You know what i'm talking about.

thats a classic.

Yeah.....walks of shame happen.....I try to avoid them. Of course, there was that one time I was forced to drop a duece in the CRJ 200 on an hour-long flight.....

NEVER eating leftover BWW for breakfast again!!!!!!!!!

Well at least in was on the CRJ. On the EMB120, the recirc fans make the entire cabin very well aware of what is going on in the lav :o

don't cannonball 3 cups of coffee on the drive to the airport in the morning. you will regret it.

At least it wasnt a BE1900:D

I don't call it the walk of shame... If I gotta go, its gunna happen!

You are very well aware of it up front in the SAAB. When it gets flushed it makes it sound like the props are waaaaay out of sync. Never fails I always check the prop RPM when someone flushes the lav.

LOL!!


....and great story by the OP. :D

While taxiing past aircraft stands, and noticing some passengers boarding the rear entrance of a Finnair DC9, the Captain remarked to the F/O: "Look at all those people disappearing into Finnair."

Hmmm...someone enlighten me. I don't get it.

Here's the "Noon Poop" story. It's a classic.

http://www.airlinepilotforums.com/re...ort-funny.html

oxygen masks - don
crew communications - establish

On the SAAB if you really wanna mess with the Captain.... When he is in the lav, roll your seat forward smack the back wall with all your might and pull the CB for the lav. The toilet seat falls down and he'll piddle all over the lav in the dark.

Our lavs in the saab sure smell like you arent the only one with that idea:D

That reminds me of a time one of my captains gave me advice about using the lav. This guy is pretty senior so having an older guy tell you this provides a feeling of awkwardness.

Anyways, he said, "if you ever need to take a $h1t make sure you hold on to your di<k. Because one time i let it lay the bowl. Not before long i started having a burning sensation along with some discharge. So i went to the doctor and the doc said i had the equivalent to a womans yeast infection."

There will never be a long enough regional jet flight that would cause me to sit on that thing.

My favorite was two non-revs making it to the mile high club then taking a smoke afterwards, in the aft lav. I wasn't deadheading on the connection carrier, I was on mainline. Heard and smelled everything. The F/As were ****ed. When being confronted about it, numb nuts threatens the head F/A.

On the ground, numb nuts tries to sneak off with the rest of the pax despite being instructed to remain in place. Them Feds can move when they're ****ed and itching for action (an earlier flight had diverted into the airport thus FBI was already there). Sheer entertainment!

Explain THAT to your wife:D:D:D

This thread is turning into a classic. I am voting 5 stars.

There was a skyway 1900D flight from MKE to STL and after about 30 mins into the flight (1.5hr flight total length) a female passenger walked up front and crapped right next to the cabin door, then covered it with a magazine. Pilots didn't know until shutdown.

They were just glad for the magazine.

one time the FA called us to inform as that two "butch" looking women went into the lav. together. we almost vomited.

We had a male FA who was definitely not heterosexual, if you get my drift. He really, really did not like having to serve coffee to the pilots. Anyway, we had a LEO onboard and he failed to inform the captain. The captain chewed some butt at the end of the leg when he found out. The FA went into his freaked-out sister routine (head bobbing, hand waving, etc). When he'd finished his tirade, I asked "Is it a bad time to ask for a refill on my coffee?" Needless to say, he stormed off the airplane. I didn't get my refill.

Stetson20

LEO?
10 characters

Law Enforcement Officer. Probably armed.

From your post it almost sounds like he let his "gear" touch the toilet bowl. I'm sure I'm reading that wrong, since that would be the sickest thing I've ever read on this board.

What kind of manfool would let his gear hang down and touch ANYTHING in, around, or near a public toilet?

Are you sure he didn't get it from some nasty wildbush Pinnacle treehugger F/A and later convinced himself he got it from a dirty toilet?

:confused:

hahahaha, awesome thread :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stetson20 (Post 429541)

We had a male FA who was definitely not heterosexual, if you get my drift.

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Gee, um, I'm really not quite sure I do understand you here. Could you put it in clearer terms perhaps?



My favorite deadhead was when I was sitting home reserve (for one of our favorite regionals) and got the call from scheduling asking me to make it to the airport ASAP for a deadhead. I said "No problem. I'll go as quick as I possibly can. I ought to be at the airport in, oh, about an hour and a half". (per contract) Keep in mind the flight I was deadheading on was a mainline 75 going to a major midwest city and is scheduled to leave right about the very moment I was walking into the airport. So I get to the airport and proceed to meander down to ops to check in, check v-file, get flight kit, etc. etc. and then I meander on over to the gate where the 75 is parked. Dang, it hasn't left yet. It's 20 minutes late and hasn't left yet without me. Bad luck perhaps. So I grab a coffee and find a window seat with a view of the departure gate and to my horror I see that the dang airplane still hasn't left. Must be having some kind of mechanical. I'm supposed to check into the gate for departure (per contact) 45 minutes after "check in". So now I have to go on over and fulfill my end of the agreement and check in at the gate. I polish off the coffee and step up to the corner wall just next to the gate. I begin to breathe real hard to make my face a little flush so as to appear out of breath and then I turned the corner where the agents are standing. As soon as I turn the corner the agent sees me and excitedly blurts out "Are you Capt. *******?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'm surprised you guys are still here. I came here as quick as I could thinking it would all be for nothing."
She says,"We were told by ops that we absolutely could not leave without you!"
WTH?!
I get down the bridge and the lead FA is standing there and says "I don't know who the heck you are but you must be real important!"
I just said "I'm really not that important at all, they just hate me that much."
As I'm hopelessly looking for a place to put my bags I am getting the most serious evil eye from over 200 ticked off pax. Just about that time the lead FA gets on the PA and makes the nastiest, seething PA saying "As soon as everybody takes their seat we will finally be able to go!" Of course I'm the only guy standing. You could hear angry comments coming from every direction.
I finally stow my bags and take my seat next to the isle and attempted to "blend in" as much as a guy in uniform can. Throughout the flight I couldn't help but wonder if there was a higher percentage of people then normal suffering from poor vision or if the extraordinary number of people bumping into me was a sign of something else.
Yep, I managed to single handedly delay a full 757-300 for 45 minutes.
Funny thing was, half way through the flight I feel a hand on my shoulder. I'm thinking, oh great, here we go. I turn around and I'm looking at a good family friend of ours. He smiled and said "I thought I recognised you." He and his wife were on their way to Germany via this midwest city. He told me later that he was glad I showed up late. They got to enjoy an evening out east at the companies expense with a travel voucher and it split up his trip some. He said he didn't think his wife had it in her to do both flights one right after the other. He also said there were about 60 international misconnects due to that delay.
All this expense for what you may ask? I was sent to this city so as to operate a highpeed with 18 pax on board. I could only smile and think, yep, that will be the last time the Major ever lets the Regional tell it what to do. Unbelievable.

YESSS!!!!! LOL!!!! Classic....I love a great "stick it to the MAN" story....:p

yea I'm sure that really showed them;). Now all those pax will consider flying a differrent airline because they were delayed due to waiting for a pilot not even flying their flight. Which means that they look to another airline next time they fly, which means reduced ticket sales, means capacity cuts and furloughs.

I know it sounds like company kool-aid. But with some of that behavior, no wonder the public will never be behind us in obtaining better pay and QOL. I know you were following the contract but come on make at least some effort to help out the hand that feeds you.

[quote=fjetter;430313]yea I'm sure that really showed them;). Now all those pax will consider flying a differrent airline because they were delayed due to waiting for a pilot not even flying their flight. Which means that they look to another airline next time they fly, which means reduced ticket sales, means capacity cuts and furloughs.

Ah, the butterfly effect. Now I know who to blame my impending furlough on:rolleyes:

Yeah, your right... that is company kool-aid. Pretty lame man. If people want to fly a different airline because one pilot lived up to the letter of his very crummy contract (which is waaaay more then the company could claim) then so be it. First of all, I couldn't have possibly dreamt that that was why the flight was delayed. I mean, what moron would ever allow that situation to occur? If I had known, then maybe, maybe I would have done everyone a favor. My fight isn't actually with the pax. It's with the company. The company is the one that created the situation. The company is the one at fault here. I just lived up to my contract. If the company doesn't like it then they could hire more pilots and not use reserves to cover the regular schedule. The company let them down... not me. And in case you hadn't noticed, load factors are through the roof right now. Tried jumpseating anywhere lately? If an airline can't make a profit with 95% load factor then maybe they need new management.

But you keep drinking that kool-aid.

WHOA WHOA WHOOAAAAAAA!!!!! Hold up a minute here kids...I intended this thread to be a funny one and lighten up our situation as pilots in this crazy industry. Let the kid drink his kool aid...eventually he will drink sooooo much of it hes bound to throw it all back up...especially if its the poison kind that management likes to serve....so let the poop discussion continue...here I have another one might not be as funny as the one I posted but hopefully it will change the subject...

OK....(clears throat)...I know ever one here has had the passenger that just will not shut up for the love of God...well I happened to have the MOST annoying passenger ever!!! So of course...its an end of 4 day trip and my last leg home is a.....DEADHEAD....(Horror music in the background...to add affect...LOL) I'm tired...I just want to go home right...so Im in the window seat and the passenger sits next to me. They look over at me and I can see them from the corner of my eye and Im thinking to myself like "crap here we go" So I guess the most intelligent question this moron could ask me is "So...are you a pilot?" I wanted to say..."No I just wear this outfit because I'm trying to start a fashion tread...you like?!?!" But I stay cool and nicely say "Yes...I am a pilot and I fly for (XYZ) Airlines" you feel in the blank....LOL...Well I tried to turn my head to the window before anything more drops out of his mouth...but I was tooooo late....ERRRRRR....THIS DUDE WANTED ME TO GIVE HIM A FULL GROUND LESSON ON THE AIRCRAFT I FLY!!!! "How does the flaps work...How do you start the engines...If the engines fail do you drop out of the sky...Is there an ejection seat in the cockpit....***!?!?!" I about fell out of my seat I was sooooo tired....I felt like I was on a checkride....by the way the ejection seat question was a REAL question...So after an hour and half of this mess...I figured I would even with this guy that disrupted my sleep....MUAAHAHAHAHA...the plot thickens...(horror music again...lol) So I could tell we were turn base to final and the pilots are configuring the aircraft for landing....lots of noise right?...So...I look out the window while all this is going on and I could tell this guy was right over my shoulder doing the same thing...So...as soon as the flaps start to come in I look over at the guy and said "Did you hear that?" in a kind of scared voice...He was like "What What What did you hear?"...I said "I don't know but I have never heard that before"...He looked like he saw God himself...LOL...I know it was mean...but it gets better...LOL....So as soon as the gear drops....I was like I looked over at him with the look of confusion and started tighting up my seat belt...LOL...He look at me and start doing the SAME THING!!!...The whole time my Captain is across the aisle looking at me just trying not to laugh because he could tell I was ****ed through the whole flight and was getting back at this guy....So hes tighting up his seat belt looking at me like "Now what do I do?" Well we start to get into the flare and I cringe up and close my eyes tight like I am about to get hit with something....And it was perfect because the pilot CRUSHED the landing and I said "Whoa!!!....whew that was close" and the guy was like is everything ok...I was like yeah we made it...whew...My Captain could not control himself...he thought I was mean...so did my wife...I DONT CARE THOUGH...I WAS TIRED!!! I Just wanted to get some rest and he didn't let me....SO THERE...NENER NENER NEEEEENNNEERRR!!!!! I AM A MEAN BASTARD!!!! There I said it for you!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

That's awesome Past V1! I don't have a good dead head story but one time we were delayed for maintenance and had unloaded all the passengers. It was pretty hot so we were all standing under the wing of the plane for some shade (I fly the Q400, high wing you know) and the flight attendants were looking with curiousity inside the wheel well. The 400 has two sets of gear doors, the aft ones only open when the gear is extending or retracting. I hear them saying "gee, it doesn't look big enough to hold the wheels in their". So I tell em "yeah, when the gear retracts the tires deflate so they will fit, and when they extend a pump inflates them in about 5 seconds". I thought it was so stupid they would laugh, instead they were amazed and kept looking up inside saying wow.

Why should the company hire more pilots? They are just living up to the contract, just like you are...right? Why is it "professionals" like you have no problem jerking the company around (and delaying hundreds of people) because it is "legal", yet you get mad when they don't go out of their way to improve your quality of life by going above and beyond what the contract requires them to do? Sorry, don't bother to reply and lets get this thread back on track.

If you didn't want a reply and you want to get back on topic, why did you even bother posting this crap?