regardless of whether you call the CP office and get yourself checked or fly the trip, I really hope the offending passenger has their luggage lost and gets to sit next to the smelly fat guy.

actually--N9373M is onto something. You round up security, she has to come along to make a statement. Should take a few hours. Then you round up the individuals to do the test along with airline supervisors---who watch you and make sure they repeatedly ask her if she is satisfied with the test results. All according to the law and within the requests of ALL parties, accused and accuser.

I like it. It'll be the last time they make a joke like that.

I have never heard of a flight getting delayed to accommodate a jump seater. They would simply leave you. Running to get an unwarranted alcohol test to prove your innocence to a tarded pax seems over reactive and puts you on the defensive. If you did nothing wrong, there is no action to take. There are people out there who try to gain control by putting you in a defensive posture. If you react, or retaliate you have played into their game and have already lost. I think you did the right thing.

Ya'll are missing the most important thing here. What does your company's Ops Manual say? Where I work, there is not much guidance for jumpseating, but working a flight and being accused warrants a call to the CPSC and removal from the flight until tested. Any accusation, even jokingly, is an accusation, and there can be ramifications from the company for just blowing it off.

Here's the scenario:

Joe Bagadonuts, being the dumbass that he is, makes a joking accusation about you drinking. HaHa, very funny. You give him the stinkeye and carry on.

Larry, the ambulance chaser, already a fearful flyer, doesn't get the subtle undertones of Joe's humor and thinks that it was a serious accusation that you just blew off. Next thing you know, Action News at Six is hyping the story and the FAA and CP is looking for you.

Don't think it can happen? It already has on numerous occasions and that is why there is company guidance on what to do when accused. If your company doesn't have any formal guidance, at a minimum, you should call the CP with all the pertinent info before flying.

Possible answers:

1. Marla! When did you get out of prison? How is rehab going, are they treating you well at the halfway house?

2. Embrace in a light headlock and administer noogies.

3. Tell her it is cavity search day at TSA and you need her to follow you.

4. Tell the agent to call security, there is a known terrorist on the no fly list that you have detained.

Something similar happened to me in San Antonio a few months ago. Someone made a joking comment about whether or not we were drunk after a somewhat turbulent descent from 10k to touchdown. We got the gate agent, explained what had happened, called the chief pilot, told the chief pilot what had happened and that we were not impaired, had the gate agent confirm to the chief pilot that we were, in her opinion, not impaired, and boarded about 15 minutes late after we sorted it out. Unfortunately, the passenger was getting off, not on, so we couldn't make an example of him.

Not to distract from this thread, but it always amazes me that pilots get the 'alcoholic' stereotype, yet go into ANY airport at 6am and I guarantee you some cubicle drone is sitting at the bar drinking a cold one.

After the issue is resolved:
1. Reseat her in the last row
2. Turn up the heat
3. Turn OFF yaw damp
4. Demonstrate Dutch Rolls for the entire flight

What he said.