Bucking Bar

Yeah, not many corporate guys fly 80 to 100 hours a month for years and years. He's not experienced some of the better stories out there. Perhaps better information would be:


Here's one used with success:

Line Check Airman who likes to yuk it up with the Flight Attendants rather than do, well, anything. You see him 3 minutes until push; "is everything done, good, checklist ...."

Materials Required: One deferral sticker

Procedure: Place deferral sticker next to autopilot selector. Select the Left Flight Director to master. First leg is always his, right? Extra points if you can figure out how to just make a false deferral of a feature of the autopilot, like altitude hold. Rush through a brief that is complete enough to avoid his actually researching the deferral for himself.

Enroute, comment about every miniscule deviation. Ask if he would like for you to obtain a block clearance, or SLOP over the CONUS. Turn the screw. Ask if he wants the flight attendants seated for the entire flight. Be creative.

At the outstation, remove the sticker for your leg and ask, "what, you never reviewed the logbook?"

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We have one very strict Captain who insists no phones (even at gate an hour prior) and absolutely no papers or magazines. I'm more of a talker than a reader (which I know is annoying, but eh'). However, if I fly with Captain FOM I will ALWAYS bring the paper because he invariably asks for the checklists as "lets read."

So, I pull out the paper (3 minutes prior to push, or through 18,000) and start reading in silence. Finally he'll look over and see me reading the paper and yell, "NO! I MEANT READ THE CHECKLIST!" I do my best clueless look and read the appropriate checklist.

I don't think he's on to me yet.

Dolphinflyer

Could write a book on that one after almost two decades of stagnation in the right seat.

If one tries to respond by attempting a frontal assault like running Omaha Beach on D-Day, the FO loses.

However, if one models his behavior after Hannibal Lector in the early scene with J. Foster in the basement cell in "Silence of the Lambs" where he is offended by his cell neighbor's behavior, then solves his problem by just talking to him for two hours, then a 4-Day trip with a problem Captain can be quite rewarding and professionally satisfying.

Of course safety comes first.

dirtysidedown

Just constantly pick your nose and wipe it somwhere in the cockpit, my all time favorite.

forgot to bid

249 in the speed select window instead of 250. 251 is exceeding the limit but 249 will have someone rubbing their leg for a while.

forgot to bid

How to annoy your FO: Act like a 727 Captain from 1987. Don't do anything and then ask the FO to hurry up and did you call the van?

FO Counter: Slam click. The guy needs someone to talk to on the overnight since nobody else wants to, just be like sorry, gotta go.

biigD

That's always my go to move. Same with headings - 091, 229, etc. If descending in vertical speed, I like to dick with the wheel constantly. Just little 100fpm adjustments every 10 seconds or so. The whole effing way down. The OCD guys lose their effing minds. Heh!

Mephesto

I've had a few FOs do the "hand on the flap" thing. Possibly my #1 pet peeve.

One guy took it to a new height of douchiness, though. He would raise his arm in a high arc to reach for the flap handle, making sure his elbow was practically at eye level so I couldn't miss it. When I refused to take the bait, he would say "Below 240, FLAPS ARE AVAILABLE."

Thanks, dipsh|t.

Senior Skipper

I've done that before. Not trying to prompt the CA, but If I'm expecting a call for flaps, I may put my hand near the lever. If I think we're getting too slow, I tend to be less subtle..."what's min speed in this config?"

Senior Skipper

Can't find that article anywhere. Care to repost?

gloopy

Love the paperwork hogs. I find the best strategy for that is to ask for one bit of info at a time, followed by a short break, then another bit of info until learning has occured. Its actually kind of fun.