Once on take off (in a Mad Dog, a near emergency situation, every takeoff!) we got a ding ding from the back just as we raised the gear!

I'm thinking; Sh*t, we must be on fire..."

The F/O is flying, all the gauges look normal, no vibrations, it's sever clear, so I pick up the phone and ask, "What's up?"

She says, "Can you call ops and ask them if one of the cabin cleaners found my book on my jumpseat?"

I kid you not.

I said, "I'll call you back." and hung up.

So when we get to cruise, I called her. I was trying to be nice, because she was new, so I said, "You know, right after take off is not a good time to call us, unless we are on fire."

She said, "Well, last time I lost my book, when I called the Pilots they said I waited too long, we were too far away to call ops, so I wanted to be sure you could still get them."

OK...LAST TIME? How many times do you lose your damned book!?!

A few minutes later, she calls back and says, "Never mind, I found it in the overhead bin, I guess the cleaners moved it, because I left it right in my jumpseat, I swear."

I've had them call with "Someone just went in the Lav" on landing too, but I always say, "Ok, we'll be extra smooth." But sometimes you just have to ignore them.