Draw a two hour(in traffic) circle around EWR/IAD/ORD/IAH/SFO/LAX. If your wife wants to live in any towns in those circles, move there. Be sure to mention you can be home more often and make more money if you do.

Otherwise, live where you want, but warn your wife of the repercussions.

My story is that I commute, but have mostly stayed an F/O for better schedules, hence costing me a lot of $$; and limiting the number of trips that I would choose to bid because of their commutability.