The ogre speaking here.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my spouse and our kids, but I didn’t stand down for 12 weeks after the birth of any of our kids, far less more than that. And that was during my military days. I was around my frau and kinder (or as my wife describes it, ‘under foot’) a whole lot more as a first year regional FO than I ever was while on active duty. And no single trip took me away from getting home for more than four nights, which really beats deployments. And yet I somehow managed to bond exceedingly well to those kids.
I think you may be over valuing your current worth to a potential employer and/or underestimating your spouses ability to handle life in your absence. Possibly you aren’t understanding how easy and natural loving your children really is.
But expecting to do just about enough to get a seniority number and then taking off right after IOE, not even consolidating, seems patently unfair both to your employer who would pretty much have to retrain you de nouveau, as well as to your fellow new hire pilots who would have actually sat the reserve or done the low seniority schedules you would be avoiding. Even more so to those hired immediately after you, who actually pulled their load.
Unless your spouse has special needs or no support whatever from your or her family, that sounds more than a little entitled.