I bet they're going to begin charging flight crews for the scuba tanks and not allow us to bring our own water.

"In an effort to further reduce costs, we have instituted an exciting new program: Project S.C.O.O.B.A. Squeezing Cash Out Of Butthurt Aircrews. We are extremely excited about project SCOOBA and the potential it brings us for added profit. Since the flight crew is captive, bringing the flight deck in to the on-board revenue scheme is the next logical step. We are proud of our innovative new cutting-edge revenue sharing program.

We have determined what the average pilot consumes per flight hour and multiplied it by the minimum guarantee. This will be deducted from your paycheck on the first of every month. In an effort to demonstrate how much we really care, all SCOOBA deductions will be pre-tax. Yes, pre-tax. You're welcome.

We hope that you're as excited about this exciting new revenue stream as we are. In the coming months, look for other exciting crew revenue sharing synergies."