Originally Posted by andy171773

You didn't get this one?

TO: Comair Team
FROM: President John Bendoraitis
RE: Important Information!!!1!!1(duh it's in a memo)

Today Delta has implemented a new visionary cost savings plan called POOPAS - Paper Operation, Obstruction, Prohibition And Salvage.

This new visionary costs savings measure will put Comair's costs more in line with our chief competitors. Comair will be the only DCI carrier that has to use this new system, all other DCI carriers will still have their paper costs paid in full by Delta, even though they may be using that paper for United/American/Continental/Airways/Everyotherairlineintheentireuniverseincludingkling onair flights.

There will be a 400 page un-laminted addition in every Comair airplane detailing how the tree is grown, cut and processed to make paper. Also covered, will be the design and implementation of Comair's new logo and motto "Ready to blo.....go". It continues with a fifty eight page dictation from our esteemed VP of Flight Ops on how we should all be concerned about our above average paper costs.

Some highlights of the program
- Guidelines on how to properly fill out forms using smooth penmanship, as to not rush and create errors
-Prohibition of pens, unless eraseable
- Paper gripping techniques, as to prevent on the job papercut injuries
- Penalties will be levied if you are caught not using both sides of the sheet of paper you're using, including flight releases.
----Penalties will be at our discretion, up to and including termination
- Our new paperless weight and balance system. Just write the important numbers on your hand, and call them out to ops before push. Remember to give them your takeoff weight, +4000 weight (if applicable), limiting weight and a dot. (graph no longer needed, just give them a dot).
- Napkin utilization program - write down all thrust data on napkin - performance "fill-in" page on the flight release will no longer be supplied

Contact your chief pilot for a replacement "POOPAS" novel. The company has decided that replacing 15 of these books per airplane a year is worth the extra cost, rather than laminating it for a slightly higher upfront cost ..but never having to replace it. This way your profit sharing will be less over a larger period of time.

In order to save additional money, Comair will be furloughing all paper recycling stations in the company, and offering buyouts for the older lamination machines. Please make sure that all your Comair lamination machine team-members update their standing bid. As they've been around forever, and are hardly used..they may have forgotten how to do this.

We regret having to furlough such valued members of our Comair team, but it's necessary to cut our overall costs by 98.49%. This way Delta will have no choice but to cut us by 48% in 2009, a vast improvement from the planned 48.1% cut. (Note 2009 budget is 448 dollars and seventeen cents).