They're not contrails, they are CHEMtrails. The rapid expansion of regional jets over the last 10 years has contributed greatly to our expansion of spraying over major metropolitan areas and allowed us to reach rural areas as well.

If you start feeling light-headed or get a withdrawal headache, spraying will be increased in your area within 24 hours. For those who are unexposed, tin-foil hats work great to combat the effects, especially if they are pointy tin-foil hats.