Advice for Female Pilots, What About Marriage
 

I'm finally on the path with my flying career and wondering if any female pilots (or males I suppose) could weigh in on the effects on a marriage. I'm not currently married, nor do I have kids. I do hope to be married one day. I understand it can be very stressful and time apart can be difficult, but most of what I read deals with men in the industry and understandably so.

But I'm looking for the good, the bad and the ugly on how it works if the wife is a pilot. And what if both are pilots? Any tales to tell?

I'm new and apologize if this isn't correct thread location :rolleyes:

Marriage has the same complications for both make and female pilots. You just need the right partner to make it work. Independence, trust, and lack of jealous tendencies are key.

Kids are a whole nother issue. All of my female friends except one have had kids and quit, one ended up doing low key part time charter work. One friend doesn't have kids yet but she's worried about what's going to happen when she does...sounds to me like she's going to quit too.

IMO…..DO NOT get married Till you get your career job and are settled in for a few years. Enjoy your freedom and schedule and the ability to travel. SEE the World. DO NOT get hooked up with someone that is locked into a 9-5 M-F job. Travel all you can. Learn to do it by yourself. Or find a friend that has a flexible schedule that is compatible to travel with. You will have much better schedules if you fly weekends. If you are flying 75-90 hours a month plan on 10-12 nights in a hotel. The person you like in your 20's may not be the one you like in your 30's-40's. SPOUSES (and kids) ARE DREAM KILLERS.

This goes for Males and Females.

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

Mark Twain

@AKpilot
Really. I guess you would rather hand fly an ILS than be with your family. I feel bad for you; and your family. Must be a real family first kinda guy.

@chicwithwings
Finding the right spouse is imperative and more difficult than it sounds. Make sure your future husband has lived the lifestyle with you before you tie the knot. Living together is a good idea. That way he sees first hand what your lifestyle is like.

Have serious conversations about what having kids would be like. Can he be on his own with the kids for 2,3,4 days at a time? Would he resent you for it? Will he expect you to do all the cleaning,cooking, and child care when you get home from a trip; because he just did all that on his own for the past few days?

I suppose you should even ask yourself if YOU could leave your kids for that length of time. Some mothers have a very very difficult time leaving their young children for even one night.

@romeojulietlima
I agree do not. Do not. Do not. Marry another pilot or flight attendant.

I'm a female who happens to be married to another pilot-big surprise there. Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages I see.

Some of the disadvantages are the fact that if you can't get your schedules to match up, you'll hardly ever see the person. If they work 9-5, at least you'd get to see them in the evenings on your days off. Also, because no one is home the whole time to do the day-to-day things, it all needs done on your precious few days off which leaves little time for a lot of fun-bills need to be paid, laundry needs to be done, groceries need to be shopped for and the place needs to be cleaned. Also, by marrying a fellow pilot, unless one of you is willing to quit flying, pay for a nanny, or live close to family, it's pretty hard to have a kid and hope they turn out all right. If the kid is having a rough day, you still can't skype a hug. Also, if you both work for different carriers with different hubs, one if not both of you is gonna have to commute.

I'd say the biggest advantage of marrying a fellow pilot is that they know all the sh!t you have to go through in this career. They get that training takes 2-3 months, you can't always talk, you may be commuting and away from home a lot with the added expense of a crash pad, and all the other less than ideal parts of this career.

Either way, like someone said before, you definitely need to find someone who is supportive, secure, not jealous and has a life of their own as well. Also, as someone else mentioned, I think it's a lot easier to find someone after you're settled in this career for a little while. Remember while you're doing everything to get that dream flying job, if you're married, that person is along for the ride too which isn't always fun. I met my husband when I was starting out at a regional and he's been really supportive throughout the last several years we've been together but it's definitely not easy. During that time, we've lived like gypsies moving every few years to follow the opportunity, we've spent a lot of time apart and have had countless discussions about our future depending on what airline I end up at. It's nice to have someone to go through all this with but it's a lot to take for that person who is along for the ride during this whole time. During all this time, my husband was with a stable company that lets him live pretty much anywhere. If he would've been chasing airplanes, upgrades and bases at the same time, I can't even imagine how difficult our lives could've been.

If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me.

Never married, or divorced?

AAARRRGGHHH!!!:D

In any case, spouses and kids can derail your dreams. However, if you focus on establishing your career first, THEN get married and have some kids you'll be just fine. Talk to some airline pilots, they'll tell you all about bidding lines, being on reserve, seniority, crashpads, and all of the other relationship killers you'll have to endure at the beginning of your career. From what I've been reading, your quality of life will improve dramatically the more senior you are. Then maybe you can plan for a family.

One thing she never mentioned in the original post was her career desires. If you want to be an airline pilot, things will be harder (by nature of the schedule) than if you have a job with more time at home. I know many female pilots with families that fly 91 corporate or scheduled 135. It's a little different when you know your schedule in advance and can set things around it.

Such good advice from you all and some interesting points. Who knows who will cross my path, but it occurred to me that I'm increasing my chances of meeting a pilot just because I'd be immersed in that atmosphere. The plan now is to do exactly what @AKpilot suggested. Do my thing, and enjoy life and career a bit. The rest will come :)

@flygirl: it was nice to hear your perspective

@directto: for now, I'm feeling that corporate may be the right fit for me, but I'm keeping an open mind where the airlines are concerned.