Willy

I'm a relatively new (2.5 yrs) MD-11 F/O at FDX and mostly fly international. I work about half the month. I'm happily married to my wife (just one) and have a couple of kids. I know many of you are in the same situation and have to deal with trip recovery time (jet lag), catching up with the family situation, and easing your way back into the lives of your spouse and kids without causing too much distress to them. I find it takes me about five days if I've been gone on a long trip (5-14 days).

For those of you who have been doing this a long time and have successfully kept your family happy, what are some techniques, rituals, habits, priorities, etc. that have worked for you?

Adlerdriver

Give her a big calendar she can "X" out the days until you leave for your next trip - a big smiley face on the actual day you leave works well. Good Luck.

Seriously, I'll be curious to hear any advice you get. I'm in the same boat. Although I will say, 5 days seems like a pretty long time to re-adjust. Are you talking body clock issues or re-inserting yourself into the family as a whole?

Depending on the age of your kids........One thing I find helps is to take over the family taxi service getting my kids to all their activities after school and evenings. When I'm gone, that is all on my wife and I think she appreciates getting that monkey off her back. Also, it gives me some time with the kids and her some alone time.

Willy

Adlerdriver,

Good advice on the "Daddy Taxi".

Jet lag recovery is usually 2 days, but it takes about 5 days before the wife and kids realize I'm home and depend on me to do the Daddy stuff I've always done. The kids will ask mom for everything even though I'm right next to them. This goes away after the 5 days. There doesn't seem to be an issue with the short 2-3 day trips.

filejw

Willy, I fly 13 day trips and two days is what I need for the body clock thing. My key is to get up on time one the first day back and make sure I get to sleep on time that first night home. As for the family thing, take it form an old man, insert your self in family matters as soon as you get back or your opinions will become illrelevant.

cma2407

Use Skype freely. You can call home a couple times a day if you want for pennies. Some guys setup a webcam; kids seem to like that. Cingular has an int'l phone that you can text home from overseas at will if you have teens; doesn't cost much either. (My teen would rather text than talk anyway. Wave of the future I guess.) Plus they can contact you anytime you're not in the air, if you want that. Bring home goodies from far away places for the kiddies. I also try to bring the frau along on a good int'l trip (i.e. long layovers) once or twice a year so she's "involved". Big points there. When you start heading home, even if you're operating, try to start resting on your home schedule. Even in the air. Take naps at home. Doing that, two day recovery is pretty much the norm.

Last bit of advice: NEVER whistle while you pack!

OrionFE

Five days to recover.....way too long! After being gone for 17 days, I just jump right back into the normal "hustle & bustle". That first day back, I stay up and go to bed with everyone else. I try and take over all her duties of running the kids everywhere (three including two teenagers). I have got my two boys playing golf, so in the summer we go smack some balls around. Also, in the summer I take the kids fishing during the week, etc. Get into cooking and you will score some HUGE brownie points.

SKYPE is the way to go!

frozenboxhauler

Orion, how old are you and how long have you been doing the international stuff? It used to only take a day or so for me to get back on "home" time, but now, in my mid-to-late forties, it's taking about 3-4 days to fully recover.
fbh

frozenboxhauler

These work for me;
1. Either arrive home in the evening totally destroyed or in the early morning fully rested. You may have to give up a day to do the later.
2. Have a few hours to yourself after arriving home to get caught up.
3. Print out your schedule and teach your bride how to convert to GMT. It's a bear to be awakened at 0415 in Narita to "Hi, what's going on". On the same note, try to call home every other evening or so, to talk to your kids before they go to bed and then to your bride, so that she can vent.
4. Don't tell me about any BS bad news (ie., the water heater is broken, your office is flooding, ect., ect.) I can't do anything about it from here. Take care of the problem and don't even mention it to me.
5. Occasionally bring home gifts from foreign lands. Stop immediately when they ask, "did you bring me a gift, papa?"
The most important thing to remember is that your wife is the full-time "Captain" of your home, only dig your heals in when there is absolutely no room for compromise.
These shoud be enough to get you started. Welcome to the MadDog!
fbh

OrionFE

Early forties. Two years flying 121 and 22 years flying Military. When I first started here, I would lay around for a few days after getting home and then I realized I was wasting my days off. So, I just don't sit there and think about being in Asia two days ago and now I am on the east coast. If I need a nap in the afternoon, I take one, but for the most part, I am up when the kids are getting ready for school, do my s_ _ t during the day, home when the kids get home, run them to practice at night, etc.....I get plenty of time to lay around the pool on the road. I understand this type of flying is not for everyone.

Cujo

...it's not the age...it's the mileage