I heard this one second hand years ago. The controller had directed the crew to expedite their descent. After deciding that they weren't complying, he said something like, "I told you to expedite your descent". The reply was, "We are already comming down faster than a Bonanza full of Doctors here".

Didnt hear this one my self, but I have been told about it.....
A lufftansa A340 was blocking traffic on the ramp in boston one day, and the controller said for the lufftansa plane to move.
The lufftansa pilots responded: We cant we are missing 3 passengers.
A pilot from one of the other planes said: Did you check your ovens!

Than it went dead silent, no body said anything.

The Brits have supplied some good ones:

"Speedbird XX, you didn't make the noise-abatement turn!"
"Oh, dreadfully sorry. Send the bill to the Queen."


"Speedbird XX, can you cross XXX below FL250?"
""I suppose so, but I'm afraid we cahn't bring the aircraft down with us."

Heard this today. Not the funniest, but good. Controller is working both ground and tower and I hear this after I check in for a full stop.

"FlexJet XXXX, cleared to the Toronto airport as filed eh? Maintain 5000, expect 370 in aboot 10. Departure frequency 123.45 eh?"

Man, I laughed.

In Saudi......"Everyone shut the $#@^!(&* UP. Dont talk unless talked to"

From a Saudi controller

Oh, thats a pretty rough statement and I am not even Jewish...

Didnt hear this one my self, but I have been told about it.....
A lufftansa A340 was blocking traffic on the ramp in boston one day, and the controller said for the lufftansa plane to move.
The lufftansa pilots responded: We cant we are missing 3 passengers.
A pilot from one of the other planes said: Did you check your ovens!

Than it went dead silent, no body said anything.



Incredible...Thats one of the most offensive things I've heard. Nothing at all funny about it...

_LA

I was an air traffic controller in the Air Force at Eglin AFB in 1989. I had just got my pilot's license. The night prior a coworker and I had seen the B52's in concert in Pensacola. The next day I was up buzzing around in a C172 Returning to Eglin I checked in with Eglin approach. I spoke to the guy I went to the concert with on frequency. He instructed me to contact Eglin Tower at the Love Shack on 119.0.... Nice.

I didn't know who it was, I'd heard the story in the mid 80's when I was in San Diego going through Anti-Submarine air controller school. But it's a good one.

ATC: "Herky 20, follow the Malev Fokker"
New Co-pilot: "Roger, we'll follow the Mother Fu*@er!"