Whats the funniest thing you have ever heard over the radio??
 

So, what the funniest thing anybodies ever heard over the radio? Anyone care to share??

I heard a controller give a Air Guard pilot holding instructions that were pretty funny. He was having trouble with this pilot. I could not hear the UHF but the controller was talking to him on VHF and UHF.

He told the F4 pilot to hold, "NW on the XYZ radial, maintain FLxx and to expect further clearance when you can follow directions!"

Air Shuttle XXXX, cancel approach clearance, turn left heading 150 maintain 4000 .... that one always cracks me up

Funnies
 

ATC to Northwest enroute from Florida to NYC: NW123 turn right 20 degrees for spacing into NYC.

5 minutes later - ATC to NW: NW123 did you turn right or left????

NW 123: ahhhhh which way did you tell us to turn?

Back in 1997 i heard a Gulfstream pilot get the phone number from the tower controller for a date. They'd been flirting for a few weeks over the radio.

Several years ago, flying back to ATL, very early in the morning. ATC: "DAL 1234, decend to FL240." No response. ATC repeats, no response. ATC repeats again, no response. Finally, over the radio, "Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep (an alarm clock), DAL 1234 ATL center, this is your wake up call, good morning."

heard from a friend he heard this over the from the cockpit channel

On a Ted flight about a year ago going into tampa

ATC: Advise when ready to copy holding instructions
Capt: Uh negative we are not holding we want our apr. clearance
ATC: sorry but we are backed up w/ traffic you'll have to hold
Capt: fine then we are declearing minimal fuel
ATC: ok understand you are declaring an emergency?
Capt: no we are declaring minimal fuel...it means we dont have time to deal w/ your bullsh*t holding clearance

after that the "from the cockpit" channel was turned off

Friend of mine was flying Captain of a 727 from A to B. The female ATC controller called them 3-4 times without a response.

She then loudly transmits "Airline 123, are you listening to me?"

He replies "Yes ma'am, we hear you."

She very sarcastically says "I called you 3-4 times and you didn't respond. Listen up!"

Without any delay he comes back with "I'm sorry ma'am, you sounded so much like my wife I was just naturally ignoring you."

A pause of 15 seconds occurs, then a male controller comes on and says "Roger Airline 123, I understand" with laughter in the background. :)

True story as verified by his co-pilot.

Heard a lost pilot talking to ATC in SAN years ago. He was lost and in a panic. The controller asked him to say heading. He replied I'm heading "S" (he said the letter). The controller told him to turn "N" and report XXX in sight.

when some guy was playing "discount airline pilot guy" over the freq. you know one the the bud light's real men of genius guys....http://diis.net/article.php?story=budlight