Approx 20 years ago, United 737 SMF-LAX. Middle of flight CA looks over at FO and asks him if he had recorded something in the logbook. He tells her something to the effect that he thought she did already. She then points to her boards and condescendingly tell him that is his job, not hers.
Poor guy, didn't say another word and sitting in the middle of that made for awkward conversation.

Probably sage advice.

Ages ago when I was commuting from DFW-SJU.
I would ride with UPS via SDF. Getting to DFW around 8pm for the 8:45 A300 flight the Jumpseat lady is all worked up saying she was trying to find me cause they had to take away my jumpseat for some UPS DH's but there was room on the 8:10 dept on the 747.

We storm out of the office into the van and out to the plane. I drop my crap at the bottom of the stairs, run up to the main cargo deck and round the corner for the stairs up to the cockpit. Manage my way up find the Capt all strapped in and ready to push. Asked for a ride and he says "absolutely your you better hurry and tie up you bags down stairs.

So I scream down the ladder from the cockpit and down to the ground. Snagged my bags and hurddled up the stairs into the nose forward of the cargo bins to tie up my bags. Just as I was pulling the knot on my kit bag, there was a pronounced slam of the door to the cockpit closing and the lights went out.

Now the state of darkness in that cargo deck was only rivaled by the darkness before God created the sun. As I mimed my way around the cargo bins we started pushing back. After a few mins of wrastling my way around the bins and half way up the ladder.....the cockpit door opens and shines down the face of the FE with a "Sorry bout that!!"
One of the other Jumpseaters had tipped off the FE that there was "that other jumpseater" still down there.

I was thinking about how much of that cargo deck I could explore in the dark between DFW and SDF

This thread is great.

Jumpseating on UAL years back when I was a young and very new to the industry. Get my boarding pass and head down near the end of boarding. I'm standing in the jetway about to walk on the aircraft, and just as I'm midstride I hear a scream "WAIT!!!" And look up to see the captain moving towards me with his hands outstretched. I thought I did something aggregious and literally stopped with my foot halfway down, mouth agape. The captain walks right up to me, bends down and grabs a penny off the ground right under my barely lifted foot. He holds it up to my face and says "son, that was a heads, you're never going to make it in this business"



Another one: my favorite brieifing as I occupy the Jumpseat commuting to work one week. I introduce myself and settle in. The captain finishes his brief and looks back and me and asks if I've been up front in this type before. I answer yes, to which he responds "ok well then you know the drill. If you see anything you don't like, I expect you to keep your mouth shut and die like a man"

Since CBreezy has a millennial's attention span, I'll try to keep this one shorter. ;)

Not my personal story, but passed on from a bud a few years back......

727 with a crew that's been flying together all month long on the same line. My friend is in the back jumpseat ready to go. It becomes apparent that the A-flight attendant (40 years seniority.... cat lover.... hasn't smiled at work since summer of '69) has pushed the pilots past the edge over the last few trips. Revenge has been plotted.

She calls to bring up breakfast. Once delivered, the Captain takes a serious tone and informs her of a hydraulic problem. Prior to her arrival, the FE has turned off the electric hyd-B pumps resulting in some warning lights. The Captain points out the lights as evidence of the problem. He then says it's probably best if he just shows her the problem......

He asks her to move over to the left side of the flight deck near the side wall. As she does, he uses control wheel steering with his knees via the autopilot while he and the FO's hands are no where near the controls to have the aircraft begin to bank to the left. "Whoa, Whoa, ok... move back to the center", he says with some urgency (bringing the jet back to wings level with his knee again).

"Ok, so you see what we've got going on..... We're ok to continue to Denver, but we're going to need to you the stay in the center of the jet. The FO and I balance, the SO and the jumpseater balance. The FAs in the back will be working the aisle, so they're in the middle. You're the only one who may throw this thing off. Just keep to the middle of the aircraft and we'll be fine. She leaves looking concerned but ready to help.

As soon as she does, the FE is up looking through the peephole in the door. He points left or right as required watching the "A's" movements while the Captain banks the aircraft to match them. She does her entire service holding the galley divider wall and leaning in with her feet on centerline reaching for drinks and trays.

They never told her....... (probably a good idea). :D

Absolutely classic creativity to enact sweet revenge on the cat lady!

I got a similar briefing recently, but I wouldn't call it my favorite. Jumpseating on a company aircraft recently, I got the usual, "If you see something, say something" briefing from the captain. And generally, people actually mean it, because our main goal is to get the job done and stay out of trouble, particularly since we fly plenty of nights and are often tired. He ended the briefing with, "Of course, we can tell you to shut the f... up!" and laughed hysterically.

Umm....he obviously doesn't know me. It's impossible for me to shut the f... up if I see something going wrong. And I would ALWAYS want my jumpseaters to speak up if they saw something concerning. These are not the old days.

Dude...lighten up. :rolleyes: He started laughing after he said it because it was a joke. Just like the guy in Sheddy's story.

Actually, I'm pretty laid back and all for a good laugh, but if you were there, you would realize it was not a joke. Uncomfortable....:eek: The fo didn't say a word and didn't even smile. I recognize a joke, and this comment was said with venom.

Couple years ago I was riding on a B6 320 from DEN-BOS (I was working for B6 at the time). It was a fairly senior crew; both 40ish to 50ish years old male Capt and female FO.
We were chatting, having a good time...The female FO had mentioned her "partner" or "spouse" numerous times, but not the partner's sex. Finally I ask, "what does he or she do?"
She turns to face me and says "What do I look like, a dike?! I know my hair is short, but come on!" She then started laughing hysterically; then we all did.
That's what I get for trying to be politically correct and not assume a sexual preference. We laughed about it for 100 miles.