You're a lot nicer than I would have been. You're under no obligation to show him any professional courtesy as a revenue passenger. I would have made sure to tell him that he's wrong when he said you should have checked in anyways.
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I was working a foreign carrier. The contract provided confirmed business class travel between my home airport and base. I wore my uniform during departure security and arrival formalities as I was included on the Crew Dec.

I was at JFK, in my uniform, waiting to board my flight. An online captain approached me. No greeting, but a lecture to inform me that I don’t have a chance for the jump seat as the flight is oversold. I thanked him for the information.

I queued up for boarding when Business Class Pax offered boarding.

I knew why he was approaching me. To avoid a public commotion, I suggested we move away from the other passengers. He wanted to see my jump seat slip. I politely said no. The gate agent approached as the captain was elevating the situation. She immediately defused the situation by apologizing to me before telling the captain I am a confirmed business class passenger with an assigned seat. The gate agent asked if I wanted to lodge a complaint. I said not necessary. But requested her name so I could write a letter of commendation to the airline how professional she was in handing conflict resolution issues. Some employees don't receive the recognition deserved... But that's another topic.

After the dust settled, no apology, he, once again, lectured me that I should have told him of my status. I told him I didn’t like his pompous condescending attitude, with his presumptive status of me traveling in uniform. I told him that he really needs to work on his social and customer service skills. Alas… KARMA works both ways… Captain chaos didn’t get on the flight and I couldn’t enjoy a glass of wine, being in uniform.

Yeah. And when I was at allegiant they bought us tickets to move us to and from training or to and from TDY. Usually on Delta or AA. And I traveled in uniform to keep the smurfs at bay. And I can't tell you how many times some god like captain pulled me aside and lectured me for not checking in with him as a jumpseater. Sometimes I was kind about it often not. This thread has gotten off in the weeds but the topic of the OP response is just don't. Don't pull people over like some kind of jumpseat cop and demand to see their papers.

I also got the third degree when personal jumpseating when I checked in (mostly on Delta) many times because they were certain that I was abusing the jumpseat for company business. Um no your highness our company buys tickets for that. I'm actually a platinum medallion.

On company metal, if it's too congested to say hi up front I'll usually introduce myself to the lead FA as I board, that way they know. If you're in uniform it's obvious anyway.

I'd venture that there is *usually* a pilot on any flight with more than 100 seats, the stews can just make an announcement if necessary.

Had that one too, regional jumpseater boarded after me and stopped in the aisle to ask how I got seated in RJ legroom plus (aka 1st class) while he got relegated to the Y seats on his own metal. I was a d*#@ that time, told him that once he made it out of the commuters he too would be able to afford revenue tickets and get mileage plan upgrades. Dude was like a 55 year old lifer. Kind of feel bad about that, not really how I like to convey myself.

I usually travel in uniform if I'm going to work at any point coming or going because I have out-sized liquids and gels. But the pilot costume does sometimes create hassles.

But again, just don't go there. Or how about this... go ask the gate for a list of pilots in jumpseat status rather than profiling people in uniform or with crew luggage.

Bingo

its up to the Captain if you ride or not and it requires the Captains permission regardless where you sit

you are also an additional crewmember by law, and the PIC must be made aware of all additional crew members

i usually visit the gate to check for jumpseaters, if I can I'll preboard them to aid with the stowing of crew bags.

sounds to me like you baited him and allowed it to fester and could have just told him at the outset when he said it's oversold, you could have told him then that you're a revenue passenger.

Negative! I'm the passenger, and he's an employee empowered to provide a service without provocation. He could have extended a hand and introduced himself. But no... he had to try to demonstrate that his ego overrides all.

Why do people make easy stuff hard?

1. If your on a paid ticket or deadheading, no obligation or need to check in.

2. If you listed for jumpseat on your own metal or regional affiliate and a seat opened up in the back, just non-rev. No obligation to check in, but it would be polite to let the captain know that you got on so that they don't go looking for you.

3. If you list for jumpseat on another company's metal, you absolutely need to check in and ask the captain for permission to ride even if the gate agent offered a seat in the back. If you don't have non-rev benefits on that company, so you need to get the captains permission to ride, regardless if it's cabin or cockpit.

There are one or two airlines where the gate will tell you their policy is to not check in for a cabin seat. In that case I do as I'm told.