"Never convicted of anything."

http://dithered.chadlindstrom.ca/attic/job_titles.html

I've always included body measurements to prove I can fit into the double breasted jacket. I measure everything.

But can you button it with one hand?:D

Thats a trick question. If you leave your hat on your bag you don't have to button it true story. :cool:

"Twig and berries" gets you bonus points on the Southwest app.

A picture of your kitten fur scuffies gets you an immediate invite.

Hey Tony, enough funny talk from you.

Thanks everyone for all the great input, I have tried but really can't see a place to put all these awesome buzz words in my resume. However, I have drafted them in my last paragraph of my cover. Looking for any suggestions. Thanks.

In conclusion, as an unconvicted young white male who is currently disease free with no active flare ups, has never been sick, can appreciate a good donkey show or cleveland steamer and who can enhance the mentorship of young boys to wear a double breasted blazer while working in a tight box, I fully believe I can genuinely support management decisions while working for less at the same time being more productive. Thank you very much for your time, I look forward to further discussing my qualifications with you at a later date.

I think I have a great chance, wish all of you luck. ;)

That's awesome. But I didn't see any mention of the Cincinnati bow-tie or dirty Sanchez. Do you really want an interview or not. Quit wasting our time, man. :)