Genius American Public
 

It's no secret that sometimes passengers can be the dumbest people on the planet. Any of you have some good stupid/crazy passenger stories?

I don't know where to begin, my favorite are the people that say "well I don't know why we are delayed for weather, my wife is drinking martinis on our front porch, she says its beautiful.........."

To which I reply: "Good thing she's a drunken twit and not a meteorologists"

Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating,
you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

I was delayed on a flight out of LHR because some woman wouldn't get off the phone. Flight attendant came by a few times to say you need to finish your call. Then the purser told her to hang up and waited next to her for her to comply. Eventually Customer service had to come on board to get her to hang up. This was on a 777 so that's a lot of people to inconvenience.

Oh... I like getting asked by pax if I carry an iphone now....:rolleyes: My response usually is, ''we'll give you a PA if we find ourselves in a bind.''

As a passenger enters the aircraft main exit door with ticket in hand...(refering to turbo-props)

They still fly these things? I thought these things were out of service?!
__________________________________________________ _______________

While I was preflighting, I was spinning the prop around to check for nicks and cracks, and this idiot came up to me and asked the typical: "Ya windin' up them rubber bands sony?"

To which I replied: "Yep! And if I spin it around enough times, we might just get all the way to State College!...Here's your sign!"

Sitting in HOU we had a ground stop for ALT due to Wx. A passenger started an argument with our FA stating at the "Marriott says they're still picking up passengers at the airport so the airport must be open, now I’m going to tell the FAA that you guys are abusing us Passengers if we don’t takeoff immediately!" LOL! :eek:

Next time we have a Wx delay I'm going to use a passenger iPhone to call the Marriott! :D

I have several friends who seem to think I make a lot of money now. Little do they know...

R U crazy, I'm L-O-W-D-E-D! With bottles of water, cokes and snacks from the a/c!

My friends have yet to see the lifetime supply of ramen in my pantry...

I got this one from a friend who flies for TSA while in CVG:
A woman was staring bewilderedly at the list of departures. As I quickly checked the screen for my gate info (I was in uniform which instantly makes me the resident expert), she asked, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I said.
"Where's the list of flights departing Cincinnati?"

I think you misspelled "twit". :D

How about pax walking in front of you in the terminal, start to veer off slowly in one direction, then dart suddenly across in the opposite direction. Reminds me of a squirrel crossing the street.

Passenger getting off the plane hands one of the many blankets to the flight attendant.

Excuse me, here's this blanket, someone must have left it behind."

:eek:



Passenger boarding looks in the cockpit at our waterbottles by the doorway.

He turns around to his wife and exclaims, "Look honey, they've got waterbottles too!"

:confused:

I found this online "after a captin had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?" :eek:

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the average American.

So I did a quick Google search of this story because it sounded vaguely familiar. I used ten consecutive words which I thought would be representative of the text, and I was returned 2,950 results.

Hmmm...

Yes, it's an old joke.......

Well this is no Joke...after getting a slam-dunk (poor descent planning on my part, lazy controller on ATC's part) approach into SYR right off IOE, I fought a nasty x-wind and made what I consider to be a less than professionally-firm landing...quite impressed with how well it turned out, actually...

Anyway, the last pax off the plane was a little old lady...looked me straight in the eye and said "that was a nice flight, young man, but the landing...well it was a little ::short pause:: too bumpy."

I looked at the CA and we both kind of chuckled, figuring the F/A probably put 'er up to it...but no joke - she was completely serious! Whatever, lady LoL...

Plenty of brilliant flight attendant quotes;

Me: Hmmmmmmm.....I think the internet is down, my laptop isn't connecting here (sitting in the terminal)
Her: ......wow......................................... ...you think that's worldwide?

FA: Um, not a big deal but there's a hole in the plane, I've seen it before, just thought you should know.
CA: (after he goes back during boarding to look) You realize the cabin door is open, right?

I was a pax in a Dash 8 and there was an awfully strong and gusty crosswind. The PF did an excellent textbook crosswind landing. He greased on the upwind wheel, he slowly flew the downwind wheel to the ground and then the nose.....just beautiful and no side loads. While shaking his head and chuckling, one of the pax mention to another, "these commuter pilots must be just starting out. did you get a load of that landing? one wheel at a time!" :rolleyes:

Seriously?
 

Those are insane. I didn't know they let people that stupid walk around unsupervised.

I always love after a long leg during a quick turn and the plane is all boarded up when you make your way to the back of the aircraft to "relieve" yourself and you get all these blank stares. It's almost as if they are shocked that you are using the lav as if there is no way pilots have bodily functions. I almost feel like saying "Yeah!! Pilots are human and gotta pee too." Kind of reminds me of looking into a stall full of goats, just staring at you like they have never seen a human before.

When I was jumpseating back to work, I boarded first because I wanted to introduce myself to the crew. I took my seat and they started boarding the passengers. One of the passengers asked me, "Aren't you supposed to be in the front of the plane?" I told her that the FAA was doing an experiment on psycho-kinetic energy and I was flying the plane using the power of my mind.

:cool:

PoK

For starters, understand if you're standing within 5' of a gate, you're instantly a gate agent....

While waiting at the gate with the rest of my crew, a woman comes up and asks, "Is this the gate for flight 3833 to Pensacola?" I turn around, look at the big screen that says "Gate B15: AA 3833 - PENSACOLA, FL" in 6" high BOLD letters, and say, "Uh, yes ma'am, it is." Then she asks, "Oh ok have we began boarding yet?" I (in a very obvious manner) look at the closed jet bridge door beneath the "B15" sign, look outside at the empty ramp, look at the other 46 or so passengers patiently waiting, and say, "No, ma'am, but we will start shortly after the plane arrives." "Ok thank you!"

If this doesn't happen 3 times a week it happens a hundred.

I get this everytime I commute to work! "Hey your going the wrong way, the cockpit is up there sir!" as I am walking through the cabin with my bags and ticket in hand trying to get to my seat. I just smile, laugh, and keep going! Sorry I don't work for American Airlines, but the traveling public dosen't know the difference as we all do!

Flight attendant at Comair to an FO friend of mine "wait your a first officer, I thought you were a co pilot, so are you like some sort of police officer?"

Several years ago while S/O on a -10, LAX-HNL.....

Pax: "Do they take American money in Hawaii"?

I almost bit through my cheeck.

"No, they use the Euro over there"

its one thing when the passengers are that dumb but the FA thats scary

Flight attendant at Comair to an FO friend of mine "wait your a first officer, I thought you were a co pilot, so are you like some sort of police officer?"


"Yes, and I'm here to frisk you............"

At least they didn't ask you if we have have phones and still live in grass huts.

PoK

:D

My father told me this one...

On a trip that ran up the California coast and back they had a FA that came up to the cockpit to take a break and get away from the PAX for a minute. They struck up a conversation about how pretty the coast was. She asked what body of water they were looking at. After a second or two he realized she wasn't kidding and told her that it was the Pacific Ocean...:rolleyes:. My dad and the FO had a chuckle about that after she left.

Aparently on the return trip, she came back up and then asked them what body of water was that on the other side of the airplane.:eek:

I dont know if he was just stringing a yarn...but I had to laugh.:D

The lady the other day who was whining about flying in a puddlejumper. I asked what a puddlejumper is, 'cuz I have never seen one. I have no idea what a puddlejumper is. Do you guys/gals know what a puddlejumper is?

Enlighten me.

Does it bother any of you other lowly FO's when people ask if you're the co-pilot? It's obvious they think we do nothing...borders on disrespectful, even.

The other day in the crew-lounge I heard another FO refer to us as co-pilots too and I wanted to slap him LoL what a tool!!

if it is not a 737 or larger or a lear jet (the only 2 airplanes the public knows) then it is a puddle jumper

and if it has props it is DEFINATELY a puddle jumper. The Q is a decent sized plane but it falls right into the puddle jumper category.

I hear ya, Its part of the deal, I used to get mad, but thats even more ridiculous. Think about it, our egos as pilots are so big then when someone calls our airplane small (its is relatively to most peoples flying experience) we get upset, I think it's funny. I laughed the other day I was coming back from my P/C and this mother and her daughter get on the 757-200 and they were shocked "on how small it was"............people are dumb its just that simple

Bingo.

(Filler)

The other day we were flying a Comair Standard Route on the EAST Coast, the only place we fly.... and the BING! the flight attendant called and said ":pWhat Ocean is that?" our route was from somewhere in New England to JFK I think.... Amazing, absolutely amazing.:eek:

That's why its so funny to walk around the airport during a break...people-watching is a favorite activity of mine...the general public never, ever ceases to shock and amaze me! :D

you think thats bad, after a 2.5 hrd flight down to Daytona Beach our brilliant Flight attendant says, "Welcome to Daytona Beach, West Virginia":p I asked her if she happened to notice the water we came in over, and she thought it was the "Delaware River" unbelievable..................