I am definitely gonna borrow that one!

I had a captain use this line:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there's only 6 ways to leave this Boeing 737, so please pay attention to the important safety briefings from your flight attendants."

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!! I've got to try that one!

I heard a Captain do this one as a part of his pre take off briefing.

"Ladies and Gentlemen welcome aboard XYZ Airlines. We would like to remind you that smoking is not allowed aboard this flight. Our flight time today should be 1 hour and 45 minutes. If we start to land significantly sooner than that go ahead and burn em. We have 2 and a half hours of fuel on board, so if we fly longer than that go ahead and burn em as well."

If we have to stop short of the gate, due to not having rampers (which happpens quite a bit), I'll make this PA:

"Folks, we've stopped just short of the gate while we wait for the ground crew to get in place. Please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the sign has been turned off. We also have an indication up here that some folks may not be wearing their seat belts, so if we could get you to go ahead and buckle those up for us, we'd appreciate it. Thanks."

The FA later tells me that she got a bunch of sheepish looks and heard lots of clicking.

The captian I flew with on the last trip made one kinda like that. "Ladies and gentleman, we have stopped just short of the gate and are waiting on ground personal to marshal us into the gate. We ask you to stay in your seat with your seatbelt fastened until we get the plane parked and the wheels chocked. Once we are finally secure at the gate, I will turn off the seat belt sign and give you that familiar ding that will announce it is time to race for the door.":D

A failed attempt at humor.

While entering a hold enroute from GSO to LGA, thinking there were some NASCAR fans on board I added to the pax announcement "and for all you NASCAR fans, we are at about 225mph, going fast, and turning left"

The captain and I thought it was the funniest thing. A call to the f/a a few minutes later revealed that no one laughed.

i got that the other day while dead heading along with.... by the way please dont feed the flight crew members they might accidentally bite your hand and most definately will follow you around the terminal untill you feed them again.

At lunch today, my roommate was telling me a funny one that one of his capts did a couple months ago...

" For those of you on the right side of the plane we will be passing by the grand canyon." *turns the autopilot off and banks to the right*

"Ok ya'll not all at once!!"

on a EMB 145

In my best Stewart voice "Look what I can do!!"

Haven't got to use it yet... but soon.

While sitting in the jumpseat on a CAL flight at the gate in IAH:
Some type of tape on the vert stab was pealing off, so we were waiting for MX to come out.

"Folks, it'll be just a few minutes as we wait for maintenance to come out and take a look and some tape thats come loose from the airplane, but dont worry, its just there until the glue dries."

Yesterday I got my captain to do the bingo game PA. After he makes the PA he tells the passengers we're gonna play a game of bingo, and if they didn't get their bingo card just hit your flight attendant call button. Then he called off bingo numbers for about 5 minutes, we kept hearing ding's in the back about every 5 seconds or so. My stomach hurt I was laughing so hard. The flight attendant called up later and said people were actually getting mad because they didn't have their bingo cards!

Heard this one on SWA, "above your head are two buttons, pushing the one with the light on it will turn on your light, pushing the one with the flight attendant on it does not neccesarily turn on the flight attendant."

That is just so wrong... but hilarious!!

when your captain is making cabin announcements tell him to say car ramrod. then write it down.

"The Fasten Seatbeat Sign is off....feel free to get up, strectch your legs, go upstairs to the gift shop and buy something nice for the kids..."

That one usually gets'em good on the 'ol SAAB...

...thank you my friend...thank you...I needed that after the day I had...

i've played the meaw game on the pa, also had a captain introduce me as 'your very single and very disease free first officer'

Go see Super Troopers then we'll talk. :)

Nice.. meow game for sure haha

"We apologize folks for the late start. We'll do everything we can to try to make up some of the time. We're going to fly this thing like we stole it, folks, so make sure your seat belts are low and tight, welcome aboard"